The Healing Process

Everyone wants to heal.  But they never really tell you that it’s difficult.  Oh they say it, but you don’t quite believe them.  Right now I’m going through a really rough, tough patch in my healing process and there are times when I wish I wasn’t.  My emotions are all over the place.  I cry too easily.  I fall back into depression.  I feel like there is no future, that I can’t get any farther, that where I am at now (especially in regards to career) is where I will always be.  It doesn’t help that my abuser doesn’t recognize, refuses to admit that she abused me and that her choices affected me and affected me deeply.  Some days are so bad that I honestly don’t want to get out of bed, don’t want to go to work or do anything.

It’s tough and it isn’t fun.  But, once I get through this, I hope that I will be better than I am now.  That is the only thing that makes it worth it.  Pain without purpose seems pointless especially when you are trying to heal.  It doesn’t help that I can’t really explain or talk about this with people largely because they won’t/don’t/can’t understand or I’ve tried in the past to talk about my abuse and haven’t been believed or I’m just comfortable discussing this with some people.

A Declaration

Yes, at 4:40 in the morning.  Well, it is what time it is here.

I am a feminist.  There.  I said it.  And being a feminist is a good thing.  However, there are forms of feminism that are bad: radical feminism, any form that supports abortion and contraception and “sexual freedom” and bashing men and supports the homosexual lifestyle.  Those are anti-women and anti-men.

Abortion is anti-women because it’s about choosing to punish yourself and a baby for existing as a person and being able to give life and for being a women.  It’s also anti-men because it doesn’t care about men as fathers or as people.  Abortion is anti-people because it is indiscriminate in who it kills: girls, boys, gays, straight, the innocent, the potentially successful, the potentially disabled, etc.  Abortion basically says that you aren’t good enough to exist because you don’t fit in some arbitrary category about who and what a person is.  Abortion isn’t a choice or a freedom.  It’s a death sentence for the baby and for the mother.  It puts the mother in a continuous cycle of sexual abuse and prostitution.  A women who uses abortion to “get rid of a problem” abuses herself.  No woman is free when they get an abortion.  NO woman is free when they have sex with anybody outside of marriage.  They are abusing themselves and selling themselves as prostitutes that aren’t getting paid to have sex.

Bashing men also bashes women.  Men can’t exist without women and women can’t exist without men.  It’s biologically impossible.  If there was only one sex, then they wouldn’t be women or men.  There would be no concept of male or female, man or women.  The words and concepts wouldn’t exist in our language because there would be no need for them.  While I’m certain there are people who would love to eliminate such words, it’s impossible and entirely impractical.   It just wouldn’t work.  We need men and women and we need them to be different.  Yes, there are people who are trying to do with mother and father and what they mean but they will fail.  Not only do we need them, to eliminate them would eliminate what makes humans unique.  Actually, it goes beyond that.  It would destroy society.  Society as a whole needs mothers and fathers and men and women.

I believe in equal pay for equal work.  Now, it has gotten better but there’s always room for improvement.  There is also room for improvement in how people are compensated for their work and how work is valued.  Value shouldn’t be based entirely on monetary value but on what that person brings to the company or whatnot and not how much money they can make for the company at the expense of that individual’s health and personal relationships.

I believe rape, abuse be it sexual, physical, emotional, spiritual, verbal, psychological, or mental and neglect are crimes against people regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, creed, ethnicity, etc. and should be prosecuted as such.  A spouse has no right to rape their spouse or beat them because they are married or to verbally abuse them because they think they can.  Parents should abuse their children nor should children abuse their parents.  A gay partner can’t beat their partner and get away with it.  It’s a crime against a person.  While I have problems with the homosexual lifestyle, they are still people who should be treated with respect and crimes against them should be investigated and prosecuted.

I believe a woman has the right to choose what she wants to do with her life.  If she wants to be a wife and mother and work, I support that.  If a woman wants be a wife and mother and be a stay at home mom, I support that too.  If a woman wants to work but stay permanently single, I support that as well.  If a woman believes she is called to the religious life and chooses to follow that, I support that as well.  I don’t support people who dictate how other people should live.  I have no right to tell Woman A or even Man A what to do with their lives.  I can’t make them work in a particular field or make them get married and no one else should either.  They can seek advice and counsel from people they trust but should make their own choices about their life.  And I will defend a women’s right to determine her own life.

I believe women are the biggest oppressors of women.  They are the ones who watch others like a hawk and talk about people behind their back and pass judgement on them because they don’t live exactly as they do.  If a woman wants to dress like a Goth (does anybody still dress like a Goth anymore?), as long as she dresses modestly (this is predicated on her and the society she lives in) then she can dress like a goth.  Or a punk.  Or in jeans and a t-shirt.  Or dresses.  Or formal suits.  No one can dictate what she wears unless she works in a particular industry that requires a uniform for work (even the typical office has a “uniform” for how to dress).  Women are the biggest believers about the lies of women: that they are weak, inferior, support things that hurt women, uneducable, shouldn’t be allowed to work, shouldn’t be allowed to receive a college/university degree, that the only thing a women can do is get married and have children and stay at home, that women who don’t revolve their lives around men have something wrong them or are lesbians.

I believe people are individuals with their own unique life experiences. No one is automaton and people shouldn’t make people into clones of themselves just because it makes their lives easier or because they think they have the power to do so.

Now there are people who are going to have a problem with me, a Catholic, being a feminist.  Yet all that I posted doesn’t contradict anything the Catholic Church teaches.  Being a feminist isn’t anti-Catholic.  It’s pro-humanity.  The Catholic Church was the first feminist force in the world.  Now there were people in the Church, but not the Church Herself, that advocated beliefs and practices that were anti-women but they weren’t the Church.  They were sinners who got tangled up in the details and pushing their own agendas rather than focusing on Jesus.  Jesus is very pro-women as demonstrated in the Gospels.

Let the tomato and lemon throwing commence.

Reality Sets In

With my new schedule at work, I’ve been wanting to update here more often.  So far, that hasn’t happened.  I’ve been so tired from working especially picking up overtime since my relief has been sick a lot lately (we’re all concerned about him) so I’ve been covering some of his shifts.  And don’t know what to post about.  I have ideas but I don’t know how relevant they are, how I feel about posting about them, how well I could write about them, etc.  So I’m going to ramble which I can be rather adept at, usually when it’s not necessary (I’m not much of a talker in real life and especially bad at explaining things.)

Something that has been bothering me is the need of some people to impose their spirituality and their spiritual practices on everyone else.  That their personal devotions are the only devotions that are allowed and should be followed.  I’ve seen people push the Rosary, the Brown Scapular, the Divine Mercy Chaplet, Carmelite or Charismatic spirituality, St. Theresa of Liseux, St. Padre Pio on people usually by saying these private devotions will “cure” everything; that they are the only prayers one needs; that by not conforming they are being “Protestant;” that they have all the answers.  They don’t recognize that each person is unique and prays in the way that they can and that God calls them to pray in the best way for Him to reach that person.  What works for one person may not work for another person.  I don’t feel called to Franciscan spiritual though the Church recognizes it as one of many beneficial spiritualities and the Church doesn’t have a problem with that.  The Church Herself doesn’t adhere to one spirituality and doesn’t require Her children to either because She recognizes that each of us are unique individuals, not automatons.

Yet there are Catholics that believe and demand that there is only one spirituality/devotion that is absolutely necessary, usually the one that the person is trumpeting.  They refuse to acknowledge or accept otherwise.  This is a huge turn off, even detrimental if they want more people to learn about, practice that spirituality or devotion.  If someone is in my face about the Rosary, telling that just by praying it once all my problems will be cured, that everything wrong with me will be healed in a moment, that it’s the only prayer a woman needs, and won’t listen to anything I say, that’s a huge turn off to me.  I’ve had this happen to me and have seen it a lot. I would have a hard time taking this person seriously because even the Church doesn’t say this.  The Church and Jesus himself never said that prayer was magic.  Yet people treat devotions and spiritualities like this which is detrimental to not only the person being encouraged to try a new devotion but also to the devotion/prayer itself.  The Church treats its members as adults yet people like this treat fellow Catholics like stupid children who can’t be trusted to dress themselves.

Faith isn’t a feeling yet this seems to be a big problem for people who go looking for excitement, for entertainment, etc. in the Mass.  I’ve posted here about Amusing Ourselves to Death by Neil Postman and the effect that TV, movies, Internet, etc. have on people.  I see this play out in the Mass not only in the Ordinary Form but also in the “young people” who seek out the Extraordinary Form.  Now, not all those who seek out the EF are necessarily looking for entertainment but I believe there are those that do go for ‘the show.”  People my age have been raised almost exclusively on TV, movies, the Internet exploded with us, etc. and that has an effect on how we view our faith.  How much of this is TV’s fault and how much is our fault? And don’t our parents play a role in all this?  People are taught to be entertained, to constantly seek out pleasure, to seek out the latest newest fad, to seek out the pretty lights and flashy clothes.  I’m not trying to denigrate the EF but I am pointing out that people’s reason for seeking out one particular Mass over another is impacted by our  excessive exposure to the media and entertainment and that people need to be aware of this.  If you are looking to get something out of the Mass, you are completely missing the point.  You are at Mass to worship God, not to be entertained by Him.

Why is it if someone hears something questionable in a homily they automatically assume the priest is a heretic?  I’ve seen multiple posts to this effect on a forum I belong to.  Why can’t it be that Father just doesn’t have the innate talent for homilies?  Or that he’s sleep deprived and he’s lucky enough to stay awake long enough to celebrate Mass? Or that he practiced his homily one way but it came out another way and he didn’t realize it until after Mass?  Or that he’s still afraid of public speaking no matter how much prayer and practice he’s said and done?  Or that he’s still a new priest and still learning?  Or that the priest doesn’t and probably won’t put things the same way you do?  People seem to be waiting for the priest to make one teeny tiny mistake so they can pounce on him and denigrate him.  Isn’t the media and the Devil doing enough of that already?  If you denigrate the priesthood, you denigrate Jesus himself.  Maybe you should think twice about what you say about a priest.  Don’t criticize unless the priest asks for constructive criticism otherwise it’s all about putting someone down to puff yourself up and there’s something very, very wrong with that.  It’s called sin.

When did Latin become the only language in the Church?  Considering there are 23 sui juris Churches, only one rite the Latin Rite uses Latin.  Greek, Aramaic, Russian, Arabic, and probably a language or two, at least, that I can’t think of are also used in the Liturgies.  Latin is only applicable to the Latin Rite and even then wasn’t the only language used in the Latin Rite.  The Latin Rite has never been uniform in it’s use of Latin in it’s liturgies.  It’s only with the Council of Trent and the suppression of other rites at that time that Latin really came to dominate the Latin liturgy.  Yet, even Latins still use Greek when we pray Kyrie eleison (Lord, have mercy).  And one does not need to pray in Latin to have their prayers heard or answered.  God’s bigger than that but I still see people saying that we need to pray in Latin and that only prayers said in Latin are “effective.”  Considering God is the one listening and answering prayers, I think He’s the only to judge if praying or not praying in a particular language is necessary for it to be effective.  I’ve only come across Him saying that we need to pray and St. Paul saying to pray without ceasing but nothing about all our prayers need to be in Latin.

All of us are on a journey in our faith.  We each follow the same path using a roadmap that is unique to each of us.  What works for you may not work and probably won’t work for me but that doesn’t mean that you should abandon it because it only applies to you.  God didn’t create clones, He created individuals whom He loves as individuals but also as His children.  God doesn’t pigeon-hole us so don’t pigeon-hole others in their journey and how they live their Catholic faith.  Your eyes should be on Christ.  Don’t take them off Him or you will lose your way.

Sex Does Not Make You Free (While the Pill Turns You into an Unpaid Prostitute)

This article was linked on Patty Bond’s blog and after reading TWO, and yes I mean TWO articles about how the Pill “benefited” Mothers on Mother’s Day (what a load of tripe), I thought I would post a link and a response here.

The Pill didn’t benefit women.  It just made the ones who took it unpaid prostitutes.  Women used to be able to demand that men “man up” after they got pregnant from premarital sex (if they hadn’t waited because surprising to all those safe sex advocated, many did wait till marriage before having sex).  Actually, women used to be able to demand that men be men.  And men took responsibility. Not any more.  Now men and women have turned each other into sex toys that they can use and just discard with no care or concern about the other.  Men and women become objects that have no feelings, no responsibility, no life, no worth.  ”Carrie” can sleep with “Mark,” “Steve,” “Chris,” “Alejandro,”  ”Ling,” and “Sarah” while “Steve” could be sleeping with “Chris,” “Daniel,” “Ming,” “Victoria,” “Manuela.”   Neither “Carrie” or “Steve” realize, care to realize, or try to hide so that it is never acknowledged is that having sex with multiple partners is no way to have a relationship.  Sex is not and cannot be consequence free.  There are studies out there that show that the body actually releases hormones during sex to help the couple bond emotionally.

So by taking the Pill  or using a condom or using any other sort of contraception you already have the mindset that you will only have the physical connection but nothing else.  Guess what: our bodies aren’t made that way.  We are made to bond emotionally and physically.  And by inserting a wall in between one, you damage the other.  You’re probably thinking: hey that’s great, sex with no consequences.  WRONG!  Not only are you damaging the physical connection (you make think a little latex doesn’t mean anything but it does) but it also damaging the emotional connection.  By taking the Pill or using a condom or any other contraception you are saying to the other person that I am only using you to masterbate, to use you for my own personal sexual satisfaction.  The Pill makes it all about me and nothing about you.  Oh, you say that you help your partner reach climax but again it’s all for you personal satisfaction.  You can feed yourself all kinds of lies about how the Pill makes you free to love your partner but in reality it’s all about you.  You turn yourself and your partner into unpaid prostitutes for each other.  When “Carrie” takes the Pill, she’s saying “Steve” is only there to be used as a toy.  ”Steve” ceases to be a person in “Carrie’s” world and vice versa.  Dress it up in any language you want but it’s true.  ”Carrie” isn’t free, she’s just an unpaid prostitute and doesn’t realize it or doesn’t want to realize it.

Women gained rights NOT to become unpaid prostitutes but that’s what some feminists and society want you to believe, that by having sex whenever you want with whomever you want you are a free and liberated woman who’s on par with men.  Yeah, both are in the cesspool of garbage because they are using each other as objects and not treating each other as people worthy of dignity and respect.  That’s not rights or liberation: that’s oppression that we’ve willingly taken because we believe it sets us free.  Actually, it’s killing us and we go blindly to our deaths.  Sex isn’t everything.  Don’t believe society.  It doesn’t know what’s best for you.  It only knows what keeps people enthralled to it and away from God and responsibility and respect for others and respect for life.

It’s Good Friday. Do you know why?

Well, do you?

If you don’t, I suggest a reading of the Passion in all four Gospels.  That might give you a clue.  But beyond that it’s about how Christ conquered death and freed us from sin.  Jesus did something so incredibly fantastic that only God could have done it.  And God did do it. It’s entirely mind-boggling and yet so profoundly simple that for over 2000 years we’ve recognized that fact in the celebration of Christ’s death on Good Friday.  Death may be the end and yet it is only a beginning.  There’s more but I’m not going to spoil the rest of the story.

Catholics remember and celebrate this conquering of death every time at Mass.  We hear about a people waiting for a Savior, he is born, lived, we follow him into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday, celebrate the Last Supper with Him and the Apostles, celebrate His death, and then His Resurrection all in an hour on Sunday.  Holy Week affords us the opportunity to slow it all down and meditate and contemplate all these events at a much slower pace.

Yet even the Catholic Church understands that this daily celebration isn’t enough.  We have to spend time meditating on each event individually rather than all together.  We can get lost or even forget why and who we are supposed to be focusing on.  Yet how many of really slow down and truly think about these events?  Think about them outside of Lent and Triduum, outside of Mass?  Do some of use even think of them at all?  For how many of us, is Mass just a chore, something to check off the list with no engagement mental, spiritual, and very basic physical input whatsoever?  Is it even something out of the ordinary or is it just like watching TV or playing a game on the computer?

We live in a world that lets us, hell encourages and orders us to, tune in, turn on, and completely drop out while posting inane information on Facebook and Twitter that makes it look like we are busy when in reality we’re so closed off from reality, from God, from other people.  We’re stuck in our little make-believe worlds and wonder when we temporarily come out of them why things don’t go the way we want and escape back into our digital make-believe worlds.  God, Jesus, people, faith all require actions from us not passive mindlessness that’s found in watching TV and posting on Facebook and Twitter.  We apply our digital make-believe worlds to God and Jesus and faith and religion and get upset when they don’t match.  They aren’t meant to match.  God and make-believe are so vastly different that they shouldn’t even be used in the same sentence.  So we find that we have trouble with conceiving of a God who would take on human flesh, become a baby, live in poverty, gather twelve men one of which would betray him, and die on a cross as criminal and abandoned by all his friends while his mother watched him die.  It’s no wonder that Jesus becomes more myth-like, more a figment of the imagination, than the real flesh and blood human who suffered to save humanity from itself.   We live in a world that doesn’t want truth as absolutes and where God would suffer the indignity and humiliation of being treated like a criminal so he could conquer death and free us to be with him for all eternity.  Sounds nuts, doesn’t it.  Yet that’s exactly what Jesus did 2000 years ago.  And that’s the world we live in.

We live with people who don’t believe in sin while they commit it.  Where people think killing unborn babies because it “inconveniences”  the mother is a good enough excuse for murder.  Where sex is advertised as god and children should be allowed to worship such a god at an early age.  Where vices are considered virtues and virtues are considered vices.  Where anger and hate for God is considered THE religion.  Where children are led to the slaughter by willing parents.  Where common sense is out and propaganda and feel good is is.

Yet that’s exactly why Jesus came and died on a cross.  For sinners.  For ALL OF US, not just a select few.  He wanted to save all of us yet so many reject the gift he gave of himself because they have been seduced by the Devil.  We are the ones that crucified him with our sins and our silence and our shouts of rejection and our support of evil.  He conquered death but we sure don’t want that gift.  That gift is free but it comes with a price.  Yet His yoke is easy and His burden light.  Yet so many would rather crucify him over and over and over again than put down the hammer and nails and accept what he did.

We need what Jesus did 2000 years ago now more than ever.  We need to remember why he did and for whom he did.  We can’t forget or trivialize or push it aside or put it off.  It’s here and it’s now.  It’s GOOD FRIDAY.

Linking Up

A few links related to what I post about here.

The New International Version of the Bible is being updated.  Which is interesting to say the least especially with regards to gender language.  Why do people think using gender inclusive language is a good idea?  The books of the Bible were written for a specific audience, with a specific purpose, and changing the language can actually be detrimental.

Michael Shanks (aka Dr. Daniel Jackson) speaks out about SGU.  Many in the comments hold the same opinion as before and won’t watch it.

The Dugger Family are adding a new member. No. 19 is on the way.

The suspected kidnapper Phillip Garrido, who reported kidnapped a girl back in 1991 and was found recently, (he has not yet been convicted so he is only suspected/alleged) seemed like a regular guy, according to those who did business with him.

Erich Kunzel, Cincinnati Pops director has died at the age of 74. (As someone who loves music, this is sad. Prayers for his family.)

Yes, corrupt police officers still exist. Rookie New York cop gets sentenced in bank robbery after conspiring with a bank teller at the bank he robbed, twice.

5th anniversary of the Beslan school attack.  A sad and terrible day for all.

From the Wall Street Journal, Afghan warlord, a non-Pashtun, has joined with the Taliban.  It’s demonstrates the shift and despair in Afghan, a country that has been riddled with war for nearly 30 years.  Afghans see no way out so they find a way to at least survive.

Why Churchless Christianity Doesn’t Work.  Authors Kevin DeYoung and Ted Kluck in their book Why We Love the Church explains that Christianity was institutional even in the beginning.  Even more so, “a church has order, offices, and certain worship elements.”  From the article,

You say people are disillusioned with the church for many reasons. Which is the hardest for people to get over?

I think the personal reasons are definitely the hardest and most frequent. There are enough sinners in all of our churches, and we need to be willing to listen to people when they are genuinely hurt. But I think a lot of this “church is lame” stuff is really immaturity.

Hopefully people will look back and say, “We were kind of like petulant children getting tired of our parents and thinking that they didn’t know anything.” Then you get married and have your own kids and realize, “Maybe I didn’t always see everything as clearly as I thought I did.”

Unfortunately, we have so many choices of churches that we don’t have to work through those things (and the growth that God might want to give us through the painful process).

From This Rock, the problem with sola scriptura.  It isn’t defensible and is entirely read into the text when the Biblical text says otherwise.

No Jesus and Me Christianity.  Again, from This Rock.  On praying to the saints and why it’s totally Biblical.

Ash Wednesday

In a few short hours, we start the wonderful penitential season of Lent.  Forty days to focus on prayer, fasting, and almsgiving.  But more importantly, focusing on Jesus.  Focusing on our need for a Savior and that we are sinners who can do nothing without HIM.

It is so easy to forget about Jesus.  We get distracted.  We let other things become our focus.  We push Jesus to the sidelines or backburner or even push Him completely out of our minds. We let school or TV or work or the latest fad take over our minds and our daily lives.  Oh, we may think about Him from time to time, especially on Sundays but otherwise we put Him in a closet and take Him out only when we talk about our faith or need to demonstrate, Yeah, I know Jesus.

But do you really?  Many of us say we know Jesus, that we pray, that we receive Him body and blood, soul and divinity in the Eucharist.  But we pay lip service to Him.  We say what we don’t mean.  We can talk the talk but walking the walk is hard.  We don’t want to see Jesus 24/7.  We want Him on OUR terms, NOT HIS.  And from that way of thinking we lose terribly.  We sin.  We live without Jesus in our lives and we become shadows of what we truly are, what we are truly capable of.

Thankfully, the Church and Jesus understands that we are imperfect sinners and provides us the opportunities to repent, to turn towards Jesus again and again and again.  Lent as a liturgical season provides a forty days to take the blinders or other obstacles from our eyes and allows us again to focus on Jesus.  We can remove that log from our eye and see Jesus for what and who He truly is.  It won’t happen over night.  We can learn to live HIS will and not ours.  We can repent and start anew.  Lent is an opportunity for us to fast from the things that we put in the place of Jesus and remove them from our lives.  We can turn off the TV, turn off the computer, quit eating the sweets and drinking the soda that we used to hide ourselves from Christ.  We can take our eyes off the world and turn them back to Christ.

And not just Lent but the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  Such a wonderful sacrament that grants us grace and the ability to truly mend our relationship with Christ.  We offend and hurt Jesus when we sin but He gave us the means to come to Him and repair that damage.  And to give us His grace to become more holy, more like HIM.  Are we perfect and incapable of sin once we receive Reconciliation? No. We are sinners and we will unfortunately sin again.  And we can again receive Reconciliation.  We go, not to just make things right, but to truly reform ourselves with His grace and to repair our relationship with Him. 

The more often we partake of the Sacraments especially Reconciliation and Holy Communion, the more we connect to Christ, the more we are in Christ.  The graces we receive from those Sacraments helps us to be more Christ-like in our lives.  And we are called to be Christ-like.

So this Lent, clear the log from your eye, pray, and turn to Jesus.

What are you doing this Lent to turn towards Jesus and truly follow Him?