Archive for March, 2008

Good Friday

If I could put into words the value of the events that toook place today 2000 years ago, I would.  But I cannot.  I struggle with understanding, comprehending the reality of the level of love and humility that put Jesus on a cross for us.  I understand the facts that happened but the reality is so far beyond my reach and comprehension it is troubling.  And that above all else bothers me. 

I can read the Gospel and the Passion but they are just stories to me.  I understand that they were real events that occured (for the most part) but to accept that they happened to real people, that God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit are more than just characters seems so far beyond me that it troubles me.  Others have no problem with grasping the reality of Jesus on the cross and yet to me it seems to be so far beyond my abilities.  I believe that I am so far away from Jesus that my only view of Him is in shadows and smoke and that that view will never change.  To me there is this huge chasm between me and Him that will never be overcome and that I keep making the chasm bigger.  I seem to lack all the qualities and abilities required to be even a mediocre Catholic.  I struggle, I do my best to pray but it seems my efforts are pretty much in vain and that I keep continuing in the wrong direction on purpose.  It seems to me that I must be sabotaging my own efforts, not listening to God, not obeying Him, something, everything, because all I seem to do is end up eight steps behind.  And this seems to be the continuing if not out all permanent state of my faith life.  I want it to change but I do not think it will.  I still continue on struggling even though I believe it will only result in failure.  And yet by writing this I seem to be digging myself in even deeper, that I am “murmuring” as St. Benedict writes in his rule.  I talk about it, do something to change it, and yet am stuck in the same place.  So what am I doing so wrong that I can never do anything right?

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Holy Week

In a week, on the holiest Saturday of the year, many people will be coming home to the Catholic Church.

Ever since I heard Christ Daughtry’s “Home” I’ve always thought it appropriate description for the journey converts take coming into the Church.

I’m staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I’m going to the place where love
And feeling good don’t ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel’s a different kind of pain.

I’m going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I’m not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don’t regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I’m going home.
Well I’m going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I’ve not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, remains true.
And I don’t know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I’m going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I’m not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don’t regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.

Be careful what you wish for,
‘Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don’t want.
Be careful what you wish for,
‘Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I’m going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I’m not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don’t regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old.
So I’m going home.
I’m going home.

So Welcome Home.

Fifth Week of Lent??? How’d That Happen?

It’s the Fifth Week of Lent and boy, has time flown. This Lent has been one of my fastest and also seems to be my least productive.  I’ve haven’t been keeping up with this blog like I intended to.

Well, the best thing I can do at this point is wish all of you a productive and prayerful rest of Lent and Holy Week.  And Congratulations to those coming into the Church at Easter Vigil.  Hopefully this year, my parish won’t do the hippy-strung-out-on-weed music-like-at-the-Megachurch-sensitive-to-the-changes-of-entertainment-technology-so-we’ll-use-a-projector-and-guitars-and-music-with-Protestant-theology again like they did last year.  The only reason I’m going to my parish’s Easter Vigil is because I know someone who is completing her journey into the Church.  She was raised Catholic but did not receive all the Sacraments of Initiation.


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