Archive for July, 2008

It’s July 29…Do You Know Where Your August Is?

Well, do you?  It starts Friday.  I’ve had several things I wanted to post in here but haven’t.  I’m working through some things right, one of which might be that I have some sort of attention deficit disorder and/or a mental health issue. 

I do recommend The Red Hat by Ralph McInnerny, the author of the Father Dowling mysteries.  He wrote it back in 1998 and is about the current state of the Church is many way and a bit of foreshadowing of what could happen to the Church should certain events happen.  It still holds true today.  Whenever I read anything by McInnerny, I always question the depth and validity of my faith, what should be done about it, the state of the Church, and other issues.  That’s good but then it doesn’t last long.

I struggle with my faith.  I learned long ago that one either had faith or didn’t have faith and that to fully have faith one had to believe with every fiber of their being.  Well, I figured out at some point I don’t have that kind of faith and apparantly am incapable of believing with every fiber of my being.  Of course one is told to pray for faith but then why?  If you didn’t have faith in the first place, asking for it seems rather selfish.  Asking God for anything seems rather selfish.  I understand intellectually that it’s okay to ask for God for things but the rest of me learned over a long time asking for anything only meant that I definitely wasn’t going to get it and that I was going to be punished for asking.  And why bother asking God if He didn’t give it to you in the first place?  There’s a reason that you didn’t receive A, B, or C in the first place and to ask for A, B, or C is rude and demonstrates that  you are unworthy of A, B, or C.  That’s what I was taught and what I picked up.

Then I get people telling me that it’s okay to ask and nothing will happen to me and to just change my thinking.  Hello, that way of thinking doesn’t happen overnight and it can’t be changed overnight like they expect.  When you hear things like “Bad girls like you are going to Hell” repeated all the time throughout your life, you can’t just get over it.  I can understand that God is love but I am still going to Hell no matter how I’m forgiven and how oftern I parake of the Sacraments and live a holy life.  That’s what’s going through my head.  God can love other people and since there are so many other people, I just don’t register on the radar.  He might get around to me when He has the time and remembers me but till then I’m on my own.  And I figure if I keep writing it out and telling God that, everyone will be happy because, hey I get it.  I’m not important to anyone and I’m not loved.  I get it.  So why isn’t it getting any better?  It’s the truth.  I guess I want something that will never happen.


It’s the Middle of July-Where have I been?

Lazy in updating, that’s where I’ve been.  Bad me.  I’m bad about updating my othe blog as well.  There’s a lot of factors as to why.  One major one may be that I have depression (which at this time is currently undiagnosed but there are several indicators that indicate that I may have it in some form).  Another factor is that I have been busy with school (time management in regards to homework a big one) and somewhat with work (though currently not really working at all). 

I hang out at a Catholic forum which shall remain unnamed for privacy purposes and one of the threads had been on a mother and what she should do to raise her sons in the Catholic faith.  She’s a revert but in a lot of her posts she comes off as someone who has thrown themselves whole hog into a very strict version of the Catholic faith that I am unaware of.  Her sons are now teenagers and wants to know what she can do to stop her sons from having any and I mean any contact with the world along with no rebelliousness, no contact with the opposite sex unless they are submissive Catholic girls who only want to be stay at home moms and limit all forms of recreation and entertainment. 

Now, I understand being a parent is a hard vocation to live out in the world today.  But to view the entire world as a full out bastion of evil with no possible goodness in people anywhere sets of several red flags for me.  She comes off as wanting to hit her sons over the head with a shovel because of the tiniest step out of line.  And that’s exactly what she has said.  It appears as if she could check off the right checklist then her sons would be perfect and holy and that’s it.  I don’t think she fully understands what it means to isolate people from the world and the way she’s going about raising her sons.  Now she has the right to raise her sons anyway (legally and morally) she so chooses but she’s in danger of having two sons that turn out the exact opposite of how she wants them to be.  I’ve seen it happen.  Tighten the reins too tight and the horse fights with all its might to get loose since it knows that its freedom and life are at stake.

Now I can give her leeway since she’s the mother and these are her sons.  There is one poster who is barely out of high school who has been giving what I consider very dangerous and deadly advice.  He advises that she cut off all her sons’ contact with the world.  Like I’ve said, I’ve seen the result of that and it isn’t pretty.  Not only that, contact with the world, and I’m not talking about the evil but regular every day people and the multiple cultures that now thrive here is not something to be afraid of.  Keeping people isolated only instills fear and hatred, i.e. I can’t go outside because everyone out there is out to kill me because they are *fill-in-the-blank*.  I’m in contact with multiple cultures and people from those cultures on a daily basis. None of that contact has really hurt me or caused me mortal sin.  Now frustration, yes.  I am far from perfect.

But to have no contact and be permanently paranoid that your children will commit mortal sin just because they come into contact with someone who does not share their exact same views borders on the ludicrious.  And hearing about pain and suffering does not diminish one’s innocence.  Our innocence was lost at the Fall.  Now we retain some but that innocence can, in some select ways, be lost so as be able to function and operate in the world but not as part of it.  There will always be loss of innocence.  That comes with sin and the consequences of the Fall.  There is no avoiding it.  There is, however, mitigating the loss as much as possible.

I had to get on my soapbox about this since I see the red flags of a potentially dangerous situation and it was bothering me even though it shouldn’t.  If people want to make stupid decisions especially ones that affect young people, so be it. 

You’re not a parent of a teenager.  You’re just along for the ride.


Type this later, if I remember.

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