Archive for July, 2012

Setbacks

My parents and youngest sister came to visit this weekend.  My dad was fine.  So was my sister.  My mother is still such an angry and controlling person.  I am now so stressed out from their visit.  I was already concerned over my mental health before their visit because I was having more bad days than good.  Now I have to go through another two weeks just to destress from their visit before I can make a doctors appointment to talk about my medication.  I had already planned on waiting due to my parent’s visit since the anticipation of that had set me back but now I have to deal with my mother’s anger and lousy attitude that she inflicted on me.

I was starting to heal from what my mother had done to me.  I was ready for them to be gone yesterday but found out at breakfast this morning she still holds the view that she didn’t do anything wrong.  I brought up the fact that she used to tell me all the time I was fat.  She denied ever saying it.  But I remember all the putdowns and threats she made to growing up.  But she will forever deny saying these things or doing any of these things.  She just doesn’t remember.  Or refuses to remember.  To her, she was the perfect mother.  My sisters and I remember otherwise.

My sister did corroborate our mother’s habit of burning everything she cooked.  My sister also said she was a sweet child (ha!) but pleasantly suprised me in the way she’s turned out.  She needs some better catechesis about her Catholic faith but at least she’s still Catholic.

I understand intellectually that my mother is not capable of loving me but the liitle girl that was abused and broken still yearns for that love.

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