Archive for April, 2013

Sick and Depressed

Which describes how I’ve been.  I’m mostly over being sick though my depression has flared up.

I’m feeling overwhelmed.

I’m afraid of going to work tomorrow because I don’t know what garbage they are going to do to me. The lies that are told about me. The double standard that’s in place.

I’m feeling suicidal though that’s not an option for me.  It doesn’t solve anything.

I’m feeling alone.  That I have to fight a massive battle that has been engineered for me to lose.  That everyone, especially at work, is just waiting for me to fail so they can prove how useless and worthless I really am.

I really want to quit this job.  The last round with Big Fat Liar ended up with me in her office Wednesday practically threatening me with termination.  The supervisors have been going after the good employees like myself and C but not after male employees or Codependent at the main lobby who breaks the rules blatantly and with the supervisors permission because she flirts and probably gives out sexual favors. Add in Handsome Tyrant, the new supervisor, and that place feels hostile.  Handsome Tyrant actually told me last week that I have to ask his and my male coworkers’ permission before I can go to lunch.  I am an adult NOT a child but not to these men. 
Double fucking standard.  I hate it but it keeps getting worse.  It never used to be like this but this place has turned into a sewer of sexual harassment and bullying that is endorsed and encouraged by management.  Even the one female manager encourages it because she’s a bitch and is the account manager’s lapdog.  Nobody likes it there unless they benefit from the harassment or the bullying or favoritism and there  aren’t that many and they hate the ones that do.

I really need another job one that doesn’t feel like another dead-end with no possibilities of advancement, one where I can use my brains and education and work with people that appreciate and respect what I do and who I am.  Not be a number.


HR: We Really are Out to Fire You

I heard back from Big Fat Liar and they will not give me any accomodation.  It doesn’t matter if I have a hundred doctor’s notes and blood all over me.  They do not want to help any employee especially good employees.

So I’m definitely quitting.  I’m working on a plan right now.  It’s the best thing for me.  I won’t have to worry about harassment, bullying, hostility, panic attacks.  They’ve made it clear they don’t want me there and I’m tired of fighting so I’m quitting.  So what if they “win?”  They aren’t winning.  They’ve losing a really good employee all because of money.  Hey, if that’s what they want they can have it.  Eventually they will implode.  I am never doing uniformed security ever again. 

We have turned into a utilitarian society were money and sex are god and if you have no useful purpose or are not willing to provide sexual favors to bullies then they will do everything to get you to quit no matter how illegal and they can get away with it because money talks and right and justice don’t matter.  We aren’t people, just cogs in a machine.  If companies could take their employees outside and shoot them when they outlived their usefulness, they would.  That’s how bad it is in someplaces. 

We need to focus on our collective humanity not on what you can do for me.  We need a unselfish world and companies that are not exactly profit driven at the expense of their employees.  Money should matter less than people, a lot less.


Type this later, if I remember.

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