Sick and Depressed

Which describes how I’ve been.  I’m mostly over being sick though my depression has flared up.

I’m feeling overwhelmed.

I’m afraid of going to work tomorrow because I don’t know what garbage they are going to do to me. The lies that are told about me. The double standard that’s in place.

I’m feeling suicidal though that’s not an option for me.  It doesn’t solve anything.

I’m feeling alone.  That I have to fight a massive battle that has been engineered for me to lose.  That everyone, especially at work, is just waiting for me to fail so they can prove how useless and worthless I really am.

I really want to quit this job.  The last round with Big Fat Liar ended up with me in her office Wednesday practically threatening me with termination.  The supervisors have been going after the good employees like myself and C but not after male employees or Codependent at the main lobby who breaks the rules blatantly and with the supervisors permission because she flirts and probably gives out sexual favors. Add in Handsome Tyrant, the new supervisor, and that place feels hostile.  Handsome Tyrant actually told me last week that I have to ask his and my male coworkers’ permission before I can go to lunch.  I am an adult NOT a child but not to these men. 
Double fucking standard.  I hate it but it keeps getting worse.  It never used to be like this but this place has turned into a sewer of sexual harassment and bullying that is endorsed and encouraged by management.  Even the one female manager encourages it because she’s a bitch and is the account manager’s lapdog.  Nobody likes it there unless they benefit from the harassment or the bullying or favoritism and there  aren’t that many and they hate the ones that do.

I really need another job one that doesn’t feel like another dead-end with no possibilities of advancement, one where I can use my brains and education and work with people that appreciate and respect what I do and who I am.  Not be a number.

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