Money is Everything

Being unemployed means I have none.  Stupid student loan company calls me at least a half dozen times a day looking for money. I keep telling them I have no money but they don’t listen or care.  I understand they have a job to do but this is ridiculous.

After talking to the one woman today, I was in tears.  It wasn’t so bad the last time because they only called once a day.  Now it’s multiple times and they still don’t listen.  And I’m reminded of how precarious place I am in right now.

I can’t pay the electric bill due in two days or the PO box that’s due at the end of the month.  Or the rent due on the first, the cellphone bill due on the third let alone renew the license plates on my car which expire on the sixth.  I won’t get into the credit card bill which I can’t pay at all so student loans are out of the question.  If you think I have forgotten about food, I haven’t.  I just can’t afford it.  Bills come first, me last or not at all.  I’m not going to go truly hungry but I’m down to rice, tuna, and some frozen veggies.  Some leftovers as well.  It probably helps that I don’t have much of an appetite any more.

I’ve been here before but this time seens different.  I applied for unemployment but am still waiting for an issue to be resolved. If it ever gets resolved.  My friends have already helped me out as much as they can.  Now I’m on my own.

And yes, I’m looking for a job.  I don’t want to be unemployed or homeless or hungry or have to worry about money.  I’ve been those things before.  I didn’t like it then either.

I hate myself right now for doing this to myself.  I am the only one to blame even if I was fired.

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6 Responses to “Money is Everything”


  1. 1 mckarlie 25 June 2013 at 9:21 PM

    may i ask what area you live in? not too specific, just a general idea. there may be resources available to you…

    • 2 pacbox 26 June 2013 at 5:38 AM

      I’m in Oregon. I’ve applied for unemployement but there’s an issue to be resolved before I can receive money. Because I was fired, there has to be an investigation and I could be denied though I’ve already gotten paperwork saying how much my weekly benefit is so I don’t see why they are still investigating. Governmental red tape, I guess.

      Talking to the individual from the student loan company just pushed me to tears and writing helps me deal. I’m surprised at how many people are now reading and following my blog. At this point, I’m writing to help myself and to keep myself from hurting myself.

      As for resources, they’re all tied up with my unemployement claim, well most of the ones available for me. I have plenty of resources to help me find a job but nothing to help me in between. And I’ve been down this road before but different this time.

      Sorry about the long reply. I couldn’t sleep so I figured I check up on my blog.

      • 3 mckarlie 26 June 2013 at 4:15 PM

        It sounds like an amazingly difficult struggle you’re going through, I wish I had more to say but there’s little I can do myself. Maybe if things get desperate you could set up a little paypal donate for your followers and friends, I’m sure $5 or $10 here or there would add up, I know it probably hurts the pride to think about it but until things settle with unemployment, you have to keep things going the best you can. Stay strong, I wish you all the very best through this struggle, it must be really hard.

      • 4 pacbox 27 June 2013 at 1:32 AM

        Thanks. Even just the words of encouragement help. It’s nice knowing somebody understands and isn’t going to use my situation against me. As for the suggestion about Paypal, I’ll look into. I’ve never used it before. But really, Thanks.

  2. 5 ncreadergirl 26 June 2013 at 6:10 AM

    Have you applied for a deference on your student loans? Or are they private ones? I am surprised they can’t help with some sort of unemployment deference…

    Hang in there! I’ve been in your shoes, it’s hard to imagine but things can get better…

    Have you applied for Food Stamps and State Health Insurance? So you can at least eat and maintain your health if nothing else…

    • 6 pacbox 27 June 2013 at 1:29 AM

      Same company has both my private and federal loans. If I pay $150 I can have a month forbearance on the private loans. They’re not willing to work with me at all. They just want the money. At least I didn’t get any calls yesterday.

      The unemployment claim affects the food stamps and as for health insurance, I’m okay and have a three month supply of my antidepressent (I made sure to refill before my insurance expired) and hopefully I’ll have a job before it runs out. I can also lessen the dose if I have to (cut the pills in half) so I’m prepared in some ways but not in others.

      Unfortunately, I’m going to ask my parents for money. At least to get through the next few days but involving them means I get to hear all about how I’m a failure. Well yeah because you screwed me over when I was growing up.


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