Of course, now that that stupid letter came, that horrible place keeps popping up in my head. It’s wearing me out and tearing me down.
I remember how I felt working there those last few terrible months. The extreme stress. Walking on eggshells not knowing what lies they were going to come up with this time. Afraid of being fire. Afraid I was going to be hurt or even raped by a coworker or supervisor and be blamed for it. I was afraid and extremely stressed out and my anxiety was through the roof and was having panic attacks.
People noticed this. They also noticed and even told me that supervisors and managers were out to fire me. When other people notice, you know it’s bad.
I really don’t want to face or talk to or have anything to do with anyone from that company. It hurts to much. I’ve been slowly healing from all that happened to me there and I don’t want to go back there or undue any work that I’ve done to get post that place.
It’s a black hole that’s sucking me in and I don’t want to go.
So again, I’m not in a good headspace again. I’d been on half dose of my meds but today I went up to a full dose as a precaution. I so want to be done with that place. Why can’t it be over? Why do they have to keep butting into my life and hurting me so deeply? Getting I’m my head and filling it with such hate and dark thoughts? I just wish they would leave me alone. I am so angry and upset. I want hurt them as much as they hurt me but I can’t. That’s not me and it’s wrong and they are so big and don’t care. They don’t feel like real people feel. They just care about money. That’s all they’ve ever cared about.
I just want them out of my head and out of my life. They’re the past. Why can’t they stay there?