Yes, the title is provocative but it’s also true. Two, no, three different blog posts I read on WordPress Reader TODAY have mentioned modesty and how girls dress. Girls not even teens but prepubescent girls.
The first post was under the Catholic tag and was about modesty. Anytime religion or faith enters into a discussion about girls and how they dress I an very, very, very wary. And I’m Catholic but some take it too far.
It usually ends up being a blame fest pointing the finger at the girls and making them at fault for a man’s actions. It’s the Professional Weaker Brother Syndrome and it’s a deliberate misinterpretation of a Bible verse which I’m not even going to bother to post here.
Now this a blog post was mostly okay up until the blogger mentioned that men and women are so different that women can’t understand that men are so visual and that women’s fashion are hurting them.
Men are visual but that does not excuse them for their actions, attitudes, and behaviors. There was more than that but it basically came down to: Women, you are dressing like sluts and hurting our poor, weak men by making them lust and so you hussies need to get with the program and dress how these poor men tell you to dress. And you should be so ashamed of yourselves for being born female with breasts and curves. You need to hide and cover up.
And all of this is coming from WOMEN. How messed up is that?
Then there was the blog post about a dress code for middle schoolers. The dress code wasn’t so much the problem as the enforcement of it was. Remember, these girls are 11-14. But the blogger made very important points. Girls are being told from a very young age and even in school where they shouldn’t have to deal with theses issues, that their looks are more important than any abilities or talents they might have.
Like I said sex objects. Girls and women are being assaulted visually and mentally into being sex objects. Advertisers know sex sells so they use it in everything. Even toys and clothes for little girls. We are being turned into sex objects and told to stay there. Human beings need not apply.
And girls and women get it from all sides. Christians, Muslims, and Orthodox Jews (believe me, it’s not just Fundy Christians who have dress codes for women) all point to women and outright blame women for men’s behavior. I know Christian and Muslims back up their unrealistic proscriptions with Bible and Quran verses, respectively. They focus on how women behave and dress but they also send the message to boys and women that women are constantly setting traps so that men are forced to sin. Yes, forced because, at least Christians, choose to selectively forget that it is the individual who chooses to sin. You cannot force a person to sin. That’s a sin in and of itself. But then as soon as it involves women, men, and any hint or idea of sex women are automatically at fault no matter if it was the man doing the sinning, as in the case of rape.
Especially in Fundy circles, where boys are indoctrinated at a young age to see women as objects and that anything girls and women do or say or wear can make a man sin, this perverse idea of modesty has taken hold. Women are objects unless you are married them it’s a person but boys, just as much as girls, are hurt by modesty doctrine. They are told girls are objects, sex demons that are out to trap them, that they aren’t to think about sex or their body or anybody’s body because that’s lust and sin but then it all becomes okay after you get married and that being married means you will have awesome sex all the time and lust will never be a problem and then you have ALL sorts of problems.
Worse, this has leaked into secular culture. Preteen girls are being told they can’t wear this or that because they have hit puberty which means breasts have started growing and other physical changes. Girls and women are being punished for being born female. They aren’t supposed to dress indecently but then are punished for dressing like a girl.
It’s not just dress codes. It’s about sex and gender. Feminists can argue all they want that women are better treated than they were a hundred years ago, two hundred years ago but really, in many ways, things haven’t changed. Or they have gotten worse. Women are expected to turn themselves into sex objects and are punished, usually by OTHER WOMEN, when these women refuse to and instead, see themselves as living, beating human beings worthy of dignity and respect. Worse, many feminists are guilty of telling women to dress like sluts and them slut shaming these women for doing what the feminists tell them to do.
So, like I said, all sides. Women aren’t objects and it’s a lie that women and girls are being force fed from a young age. Dress like a women and you will upset a whole bunch of people. Christians will say you causing man to sin and that you are a stumbling block. Secular authorities tell you that you are causing problems for boys. Feminists say you can dress how you want but then shame you no matter how you dress.
So it sucks to be a women. You are at fault for EVERYTHING. Turn yourself into an object. Many men, and even some women, will be happy that you are a sex object they can use and discard for their pleasure. Many men, and a whole lot more women, still think you are an object but an object of shame and ridicule, something to be made an example of and then thrown in the trash.
Women are not objects. We are people, actual and whole. Our exterior appearance is part of us but it isn’t all of us. We are more than the sum of our external parts. We are not objects to be used but people who want to be loved and cared for, for who we are as a whole, not for some little piece of us.
How we dress is not that important though it may reflect that person’s personality. We are not breasts and butts for you to ogle. You have no right to judge how we dress or how we look or if we have the right body parts or not. You do not get to judge or look at my body for your own depraved desired and then blame me for existing. You do not get to decide if I am pretty or not, attractive or not. You do not get to decide if I am worth fucking or not.
I am not an object. I am a woman with talents and abilities. I will dress however I want. I am not here to serve your depraved desires or to “serve” you in any way. I will not listen to your stupid judgments about me, about how I dress, about how I look, about how pretty or not I am. I will not let you have a say in my life.
Like the poster said, I am Me and I am Okay.