Spending time with my one friend left me emotionally off kilter last night and a so far most of today. Her eldest child is getting married next month and the bridal shower is tomorrow. Being currently unemployed, I have no money to buy a gift but I am already working on the wedding present (which won’t be ready for the wedding but I plan on giving it as a Christmas present since I knew I needed time to put it together).
I could have come up with a present for tomorrow on my own. Actually, I already did. But my friend decided to buy a gift for me to give. Even planned on how it should look and what I should do and how to do it. Didn’t ask me for my impute at all, except in paints. I honestly thought it was a gift my friend was giving and just wanted my help. No, it was supposed to be a gift from me.
To me, buying a gift for me to give to another adult is rude and tasteless and disrespectful to me and the person I’m giving the gift to. It tells me I can’t be trusted to make a choice on my own so I have to be watched and have my hand held so I don’t go making decisions and choices my friend doesn’t agree with.
It’s like dealing with my mother all over again. The lack of control.
Granted, I let my friend do this to me because I’ve learned it’s just easier to let others have their way than to stand up for myself. So I was crying last night and have been in tears on and off today. I also haven’t done anything on my to do list for today because I just needed time to myself and let myself have a day off. I may still go for my walk but I may not. I haven’t quite decided.
Hell, I even considered, seriously considered not going to the bridal shower. The bride’s friend emailed me back (finally) and at least I don’t have to deal with my friend very much at the shower if I don’t want to. Still have to figure out when I’m going to Mass since I can’t go at my usual time.
If nothing else, I’ll be baking cookies later. And cookies are always good.