Where’s the Line?

Yesterday (Sunday) was a freaking long day.  Way too long and too many hours spent with The friend.  Except, I don’t think she’s much of a friend.  More of a leech.  She certainly sucks the life out of me every time we meet.  I either end up with a headache or in tears after interacting with her.  I’m not uplifted, I’m torn down. It’s like dealing with my mother but much worse.  Much much worse.

Yesterday it started off with me having to “choose” to drive even though she had told me weeks before that I would be driving. 

Then it was telling me I was going the wrong way (the place where we were going is nowhere near where I live).  And she’s lived in Oregon longer than I have.

I’m following the directions to the shower but missed a turn.  No big deal to me, we weren’t that far off, and we only lost a few minutes.  But no.  We were so lost as to be hours late and I was being disrespectful to her because I was getting her there late.  So she called her daughter (the bride to be) to tell her we’re going to be late but even the daughter hasn’t gotten there yet.  I used Maps with the Navigator telling me directions and we were only five miles off and not quite ten minutes late.  People still showed up after us so it wasn’t that big of a deal to me.

The shower was good.  I didn’t really know anybody beyond the bride to be, The friend, the friend’s granddaughter, and the granddaughter’s mother.  People were friendly if really loud and extremely extroverted.  My gifts were okay. Everyone else gave better gifts but then they know the bride better than I do.

Then I drove back with the friend and her granddaughter.  Of course, the friend doesn’t like the direction I took (I made one minor wrong turn but quickly corrected it but again I’m an idiot) which was the exact direction we had come. 

I turn into the street that leads into the housing complex where she lived and she’s already got her seatbelt off and her hand on the door to open it.  Two more turns and maybe 500 feet before I pull into her driveway and yet she’s already to jump out of a moving vehicle.  I tell her not to open the door and she snaps back at me she hadn’t opened it yet.  Remember, I’m the idiot because I’m trying to be safe.

Drop her and granddaughter off, she hugs me three times too many and kisses my hair which means I’m ready to punch her because I just feel violated.  I leave since it’s after 3:30 and had spent too many hours with her.

Did I mention I did all this on two hours of sleep?

Made it to Confession and stuck around for Spanish Mass (I did stop for food before that since my blood sugar was dropping and I was getting a headache).  Didn’t understand much of Father’s homily but the baby girl two pews in front of me was soothing to my frazzled emotions.  Her older sister was ridiculously cute as well.

I didn’t get pissed at the friend till after I got home.  So my quiet evening and exhaustion were interrupted with anger. 

I am not sure talking to her would do any good.  She’s so scatter brained and just bulldozes over people when she feels she has to say something, when she disagrees, or when she thinks she hasn’t done anything wrong which is most of the time.  Honestly, this friendship isn’t much of a friendship.  It’s mainly her getting her way and me giving up my voice and decision making because I’m scared she’s going to hurt me.  She certainly uses the same tone of voice when telling me I’m wrong.  And far more condescending than my mother ever was. 

I feel like ending this friendship more and more after spending any time with her.  She takes and takes and takes.  I feel like her claws are stuck in me and she refuses to let go.  That she won’t ever let go and that I belong to her.

Here’s where alarms are blaring.  I feel like the friend’s behavior is abusive, well at least a type of bullying, and violates my boundaries.  I don’t feel good or happy when I know I have to deal with her in anyway.  I always feel like she’s prying into my personal life, wanting all the juicy details and uncover all my secrets.  I don’t feel like I’m a person to her.  I’m an audience that’s there to worship her.  I get headaches or end up in tears after spending time in her presence.  She’s very triggering.  All these issues I thought I had dealt with or were under control are not any time I’m around her.

Tell me, is that how a good friendship is supposed to work? 

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