Spanking is the adult desire to retaliate against the child’s humiliation and embarassment of him/her. The decision to spank is always done in anger. Always. The actual physical spanking may be done without acknowledged anger but anger completely colors the process from the beginning.
Spanking is used not as a means of true discipline but rather as a means of punitive mindless retaliation. Revenge. The adult feels humiliated by a child’s behavior and/or words and because the adult is so focused on how other people see them, perceive their parenting abilities, the adult spanks the child to cover up the embarassment and humiliation and to retaliate and seek revenge in response to that humiliation that is in a disproportionate response to the child’s behavior or words.
The child does something the adult doesn’t like, the adult becomes angry because they feel humiliated, and so they spank to alleviate those feelings of humiliation. Spanking becomes about revenge. In this, the child.”controls” the adult because the adult reacts to the child when a child doesn’t know any better or is still learning or it’s entirely on the adult’s whom. So the adult spanks to wrest that “control” back and set the supposed balance of power back in order. Which only lasts until the next time the child does something the adult thinks is wrong or angers the adult and spanking happens again. It becomes cyclical. Both lose.
Sp anking is about control. Not obedience. Just fear filled compliance. Not only that but adults spank children because they lack control in their own lives as any control they can have, they take. Even ascribing power to a child who has none so that they can take that power. Spanking a child is something the adult can control with the child in the driver’s seat “controlling” when they get spanked. Spanking as control makes the adult feel as if they are in control.
Spanking is also about power and having power over those that don’t have power and cannot have power. Spanking is a form of “power” that can be meted out whenever the adult feels like it and believes that children control the when it is meted out. In the end, spanking is about assauging the anger and humiliation of the adult through retaliation and revenge on a child that has no power or control or choice or even humanity.