Archive for October, 2014

A Not So Good Friday

It’s not bad but after sleeping most of the day before getting, it wasn’t off to a great start.  I do have chocolate cheesecake which is currently what I’m holding in to as a good thing.

1. Received a notice in the mail today saying that Inn in danger of losing my license if I don’t file an accident report from nearly three years ago.  Three years ago and provide proof that I had insurance then.  This doesn’t freak me out.  I just have to find the original accident report and fill out a form and also provide proof.  The insurance company was very helpful.  That’s a point itself.

The problem lie in going through my files (haven’t found the report yet but I will, if I didn’t recycle it) and coming across one of my evals from when I was with evil security company.  It was my second one and I could see where I was already running afoul of supervisors and managers.  I know I can be rigid about some things, and they made a big deal of sticking to schedules except when it came to their pet projects, but that rigidity keeps me safe.  I’m not going to change my plans in a done just because you realize a,pet project of yours needs finishing by tomorrow.  Poor planning on your part is not my emergency.  I dealt with that a lot especially since I made myself a doormat and key myself be walked over.  So now I’m on the verge of tears over garbage that happened years ago and a place I no longer work at.  I really should burn those evals.

2. Car insurance company rep I talked to was awesome.  She is sending me the info I need and will call back next Friday to check to see if I got it.  Awesome customer service.  I appreciate it.

3. I broke down and started wearing slippers around my apartment.  It’s cold.  Though I forgot to put them on when I got home and so now my feet are cold.

4. Apple Cider Beef Stew is awesome.  I need to tweak the recipe a little but it came out awesome.

5. I have chocolate cheesecake slices.  Different kinds.  Walmart bakery is good for this kind of thing.

6. I did find something I was looking for in my files.  So there is that.  Something useful especially in identifying negative thinking.

7. Chocolate cheesecake.  Enough said.

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An Emotionally Messed Up Day

I don’t know if it’s the change in weather, the time of year, the still lack of a job, but I’ve been emotionally off-kilter for that last two weeks or so.  Today I’m in tears which sucks.  I also know eating would help but I have no appetite.

I also said no to that friend I’m having issues with but I honestly couldn’t spend the massive amount of time with her threat she was asking of me.  Not right now.

I took to my paper journal to write this all out (this meaning my emotional state) and write a few things I need to remind myself with.

Enforcing my boundaries is a good thing.  Having boundaries is a good thing.  It means I respect myself.  I am worthy of respect.

Well, I should eat something and take the edge off my emotional state. I also need to go to the library to pick up a book.

In Regards to Why We Hit Our Kids

Apparently the post on “Why we hit our kids” was popular. It was also, apparently, an invitation for some less than stellar elements to come out of the woodwork, so to speak. Due to the type of comments I received on that post and the nature of several of them, I will not be approving comments on that post. I will be deleting them. However, I will deal with several themes that pop up in those comments.

Response #1: I was spanked and I turned out okay.

My response: I’m going to quote Elizabeth Esther on her blog in response:
“Even so, in defending spanking we often hear people say: “I was spanked as a kid and I turned out alright.” Um…no, no you didn’t. By defending spanking, you have turned out to be someone who perpetuates violence against children.” (Source)

I agree with Elizabeth.  You have become an advocate of violence.  I also want to point out that you have repressed what spanking really felt like and what it did to you.  I should know.  I definitely stuffed down the anger I felt at my parents for hitting me. I was angry but I couldn’t articulate that anger and I definitely couldn’t show that anger.  My mother was going to spank and disciplining me was the least of her reasons to do so.  I also had to stuff down those feels of anger and betrayal because I didn’t know how to live without my parents.  My parents were all I had.  Spanking was the norm and as a child, I had to put up with it, allow it so that I had a roof over my head, food to eat, the ability to go to school.

Response #2: Spanking was the only form of discipline I listened to.

My response: I didn’t learn to associate the pain of a spanking with not doing a specific behavior.  All I learned is that it was okay to hurt a child as long as you had an excuse.  So spanking wasn’t the deal breaker many make it out to be.  Plus, there is countless evidence that spanking is NEVER effective in changing behavior.  Spanking actually damages the brain.  Many studies point this out.  Again, many people lie to themselves because they cannot acknowledge that their parents actually hurt them.  I suggest reading Leaving Home: The Art of Separating From Your Difficult Family by David. P. Celani to understand this divorce in the brain.

Response #3: Spanking is Biblical.

My Response:  Actually, it isn’t.  The idea that “spare the rod, spoil the child” comes from a poem called Hudibras by Samuel Butler and involved Sir Hudibras making a lewd comment to a woman who promised to get him out of jail (Source).  And the verses that do reference the rod in Proverbs is not the rod that most make it out to be and applies to nearly full grown men, not children.  See Samuel Martin’s book Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me to see a full, Biblical explanation of those verses.

Also, several deaths have been associated with the Pearls’  teaching.  Too many “Christian” parenting books advocate spanking and first tine obedience when that doesn’t work.  Even James Dobson of Focus on the Family compares child rearing to cruelly beating a dog.

Hopefully, this will cover the major comments I saw.  I won’t answer the really rude ones.

 

Why Do We Punish Ourselves? | Psychology Today

http://m.psychologytoday.com/em/155167

From earlier this summer, this article looks at a few possible reasons we may punish ourselves and punish more harshly in some cases. 

What would be really helpful would be to look at those who self punish as adults after being physically punished as,children and if the level/severity goes up.  That is, if you were punished as a children, largely through the use of spanking which occurred at least twice a week if not more spankings and those spanking were for different “offense” levels, i.e. spanked for not finishing homework versus say being spanked for disobedience where you took too long to do something such as not putting clothes away in ten minutes when it took you fifteen even though you put the clothes away and they were put away correctly or being spanked for running out into the street with oncoming traffic. 

To me, kids would learn to expect punishment for every failure and not having learned to manage failure and mistakes, choose to punish themselves instead.  Punishment could include self inflicted pain, self beating, negative self talk, withholding food and/or drink from yourself, withholding other items such as not allowing yourself to wear a favorite shirt or outfit, surrounding yourself with people who hurt you physically/mentally/emotionally/etc., talking yourself into staying in an abusive situation because you think you deserve that abusive treatment. 

There are certainly more and I honestly think, knowing my own experiences and things I’ve done to myself, that self punishment becomes a habit because I believe I deserve to be treated like garbage.  I think corporal punishment/spanking/abuse writes people’s brains to accept punishment and abuse and not mercy and love.

Why Do People Hit Their Kids?

http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/why-do-people-hit-their-kids-1634802919

As much as I don’t want to go anywhere near the whole spanking/corporal punishment garbage (especially after an article in the Christian Science Monitor today(10/19/14) basically said it was okay to hit kids if done correctly;hell fucking no), this points out one parent’s thinking and why spanking is still wrong.

I Broke Down

And joined LinkedIn.  Man, I got sucked in.  Well, actually no, I joined willingly and hope this will help me secure a job. Hopefully.soon because this not working is getting old.

In other news, rain is still wet.  Yes, the rainy season has come back to Oregon.

I will also be glad when the election is over and I won’t have to deal with political mailers for.another two years.  That’s largely all I’ve been getting, well besides the Verizon offers to current resident.  I wish Current Resident would change his address.  I don’t want his mail.  I just throw all of that junk in the recycling bin.

Breaking News: Catholic Church Welcomes Sinners

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Following the controversies among Catholics Monday, the Catholic Church has reiterated its position on being a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints. 

Apparently, the Catholic Church has been open to sinners for its entire two thousand plus year history.  Jesus started the whole messy business of meeting with actual sinners while he walked on the earth.  He even selected twelve to be his inner circle, so to speak.  He also ate with sinners, talked with them, and most astonishing of all, forgave them their sins. 

He didn’t tell people to come and follow him only AFTER they had become perfect and sinless and could recite all the rules.  No, he met them while they were still in their sins.  And they had faith and he forgave them and told them to go and sin no more.  Jesus said his yoke was easy and his burden light.  He was nothing like the Pharisees who placed heavy burdens and were more concerned with the letter of the law. 

The Catholic Church has continued this message of repentance and forgiveness for the last two thousand years along with mercy and love.  These things are strange in the modern world, which considers love to only be about sex, repentance to be outdated, and mercy to a shallower form of kindness.  And with forgiveness to be entirely conditional on what the world through society and the media want or at least in vogue.

Jesus is not outdated.  Neither are mercy, compassion, forgiveness, love, or faith.  The Catholic Church, Holy Mother Church, will continue to teach her children the unchangeable truths that have been entrusted to her Jesus and the Holy Spirit protecting her from sin and error.  She is unchangeable but she is also loving and forgiving and merciful.


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