Holidays As Hammers

So I will be spending Thanksgiving on my own tomorrow.  And I’ve been largely numb all week because of it.  I’ve been thrown away again.

The friend that I thought might invite me to Thanksgiving dinner just brushed me off Sunday by telling me she would be working that day and so there wasn’t anything planned.  The way she said  it so carelessly as  if it was  nothing at all, that my feelings didn’t matter, which they don’t to her.  It was all about her.  And I know she always takes that day off so I feel lied to even if she is working. But honestly I knew that was going to happen.  I knew she was going to cut me out and toss me away.  I just don’t entertain her anymore especially since I’ve said no to her and nobody gets to say that but her.

So this week has been a bad week for me.  I’ve been numb and just w anting to sleep all the time.  I have no appetite except to emotionally eat (I finished a bag of mini Oreos in less than 24 hours).  So a really bad week.  I hate anything that puts an emphasis on loving friends and family when I don’t have run and society blames me for it because it’s all my fault people are jerks and screw me over.

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