This is not a Jim Carey movie post.
So the friend that I no longer want to be friends with, who shall henceforth be known as Wannabe Fundycath, was at Mass Sunday and her and her husband invited me to breakfast. I know I shouldn’t have gone since I am working on distancing myself from them but we were out at a restaurant and it was only going to be about an hour in their presence.
Wannabe Fundycath first can’t make up her mind what to eat, going on about how all this food is going against her diet (what diet though as a morbidly obese diabetic she needs to be on a diet but can’t follow through because she has no self-control) and her husband is set on ordering half the breakfast menu. At the same time, they are also talking at the guy at the next table (he doesn’t hear because of earphones or is smart enough to ignore) and judging the people walking into the restaurant. The husband is also texting his brother and his daughter at the same time.
We finally order. So I hear again about Fundycath’s surgery that didn’t happen. And the various personal reasons why it didn’t happen. I also get very personal intimate details about the daughter I really thought crossed the line and flat out violates her boundaries and privacy. Fundycath has no respect for a person’s privacy and will violate it enthusiastically.
What really appalled me was the judgementalism that colored what she said about her own daughter. Since I refuse to violate the daughter’s privacy or share any personal info without permission, it’s hard to convey how really painful and cruel were the words I felt she was saying about her own daughter. The impression I got is that the daughter was to blame. Can’t get into details but HELL FUCK NO she wasn’t at fault. (No, this has nothing to do with sexual assault or rape)
Thankfully I kept my shock at that to myself but judging your own daughter for something you have experienced….wow. I knew Fundycath was narcissistic but this blew up the cake.
Side note at to why her pseudonym is Wannabe Fundycath:
-She talks like a fundamentalist
-She is judgmental like a fundamentalist with the condescension dripping with honey and how because she is just so holy she has to set everyone on the right path to God by judging them because she isn’t judging, she’s correcting
-She may be a Catholic but her actions, words and behaviors are more in with Protestant Fundamentalism
-She has a very narrow view of who is acceptable and what is acceptable and if you don’t meet that stringent criteria then you’re damned and lost but you better not judge her because she is perfect, well nearly perfect and has God’s blessings
The conversation turned to what they did at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Now I posted that she told me she wasn’t do anything for Thanksgiving, there absolutely no plans because everyone was working, and how that sent me into a depression spiral that week. I find out that was a big fat lie. I already knew she has lied to me about other things but this was the first time it was a deliberate lie to my face. I find out that they had planned to get together weeks in advance and had. No one was working.
So yeah, I was pissed but kept my mouth shut. Fundycath doesn’t think lying is wrong so me pointing it out to her wasn’t going to do any good. And they never even bothered to tell me about Christmas but then they were never at Mass until the last Sunday of Advent and I was avoiding them. But a phone call, hello. No, my feelings didn’t matter. I’m glad I planned on being alone for Christmas. I was way better off.
If they didn’t want me around, they didn’t need to lie to me. And considering they’ve told me multiple times that I’m family, they could still have mentioned it was family only and I wouldn’t have been offended. Hurt but not offended. Lying to me not only hurts it also means I can never trust a word you say to me because I’ll always have to assume you’re lying. I hate liars.
The husband continued texting throughout breakfast. He apologized but I could tell he didn’t really mean it. His actions were more important than my feelings.
Then they asked if I had a job yet. I didn’t (but I’ve applied and am waiting to hear back). So I got condescending looks and an offer to work at a crappy minimum wage job. No thank you. I have standards. Minimum wage isn’t a problem but crappy jobs are.
Thankfully it was a short time. Bearable but wow. The lying, judgementalism, violation of privacy, and repetition of the conversation just reinforced why I should not be friends with Wannabe Fundycath and her husband. Her narcissism doesn’t help either. She wants me as an adoring audience and I’m not obeying which is pissing her off. Which means she avoids me.
Her narcissism doesn’t like the fact that I’ve refused to be at her beck and call for medical appointments, that I don’t have a job, that I have told her no, that I have depression, that I refuse to be her blind adoring audience, that I refuse to allow her to know my most intimate secrets or any really personal information. I refuse to listen or accept her lies. I refuse to let her dictate my choices. I refuse to let her verbally and emotionally abuse me through name calling and gaslighting.
I don’t need a narcissist in my life and I don’t have to allow her into mine. I can choose my friends. She doesn’t get a choice.