So I’m halfway through my training. Work itself isn’t that bad but the drive there in the morning (not that the actual drive though) is the worst. I was in tears this morning, thankfully not for very long though. But I’ve have constant anxiety and the feeling of a rock sitting in my stomach.
I’ve got this constant feeling of unease that just doesn’t go away. So I’m stressed and anxious. I keep expecting this job to turn into evil security company and am waiting for the micromanagement to happen along with the ridiculous write ups and the constant criticism and complaints. I expect bad because that’s all I’ve ever experienced and so that’s all I expect. Good is not something I deserve so dealing with it stresses me out.
I’m taking it one day at a time but I’m so anxious that I still just want to walk out and never go back. And it’s not the work or the company. It’s all the abuse and harassment evil security company put me through. I keep expecting it even though there is no sign of it happening but doesn’t mean anything because evil security company was okay until they put me through hell.
I just hate how I feel.