Half Way Through

So I’m halfway through my training.  Work itself isn’t that bad but the drive there in the morning (not that the actual drive though) is the worst.  I was in tears this morning, thankfully not for very long though.   But I’ve have constant anxiety and the feeling of a rock sitting in my stomach. 

I’ve got this constant feeling of unease that just doesn’t go away.  So I’m stressed and anxious.  I keep expecting this job to turn into evil security company and am waiting for the micromanagement to happen along with the ridiculous write ups and the constant criticism and complaints.  I expect bad because that’s all I’ve ever experienced and so that’s all I expect.  Good is not something I deserve so dealing with it stresses me out.

I’m taking it one day at a time but I’m so anxious that I still just want to walk out and never go back.  And it’s not the work or the company.  It’s all the abuse and harassment evil security company put me through.  I keep expecting it even though there is no sign of it happening but doesn’t mean anything because evil security company was okay until they put me through hell.

I just hate how I feel. 

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