Archive for December, 2015

That Wasn’t So…

The food stamps bureaucratic thing wasn’t so bad. Found out the reason the rules changed is because the federal waiver for Oregon was revoked or expired. I heard both explanations. Everyone was scrambling to get this federal program in place within a very short time period, like less than a month with everything going live January 1st.

It’s now paperwork that tracks the required volunteering and work search activities with 11 hours for volunteering and 9 hours for the activities to total 20 hours per week and needing 80 hours per month. If you don’t meet those 80 hours, you lose your benefits. The paperwork is due on the last work day of the month.

I did find out about applying for the Oregon Health Plan so I could get back on my meds. So that was a help.

I was freaking out about this. I left super early to give my self enough time to get there. I was certainly panicking and it didn’t help that I only had about three hours of sleep. But once there it wasn’t so bad and ended up being pretty quick. I do have to drive out there at least once a week which kind of sucks and the paperwork is slightly confusing but as long as I have those 80 hours I should be fine. Though I’d rather have a full time job with decent benefits.

So now I need to find places to volunteer.


In Response To Those “Catholics”

I suggest reading and meditating on this section from Christopher West’s book Theology of the Body for Beginners. A direct contrast to the ‘God is out to get you and damn you to hell crowd’ that prefers a harsh, unforgiving tyrant than a merciful Father who who forgives when asked.


West, Christopher. (2004) Theology of the Body for Beginners. Ascension Press: West Chester, PA. p.43

Anxiety and Depression Run Rampant

I did not want to get out of bed today. I just want to hide. I have to deal with bureaucracy tomorrow and I’m afraid that I’m going to lose my food stamps due to the stupid changes in rules.  Actually, I’m totally convinced that I will lose my food stamps and that I will have to pay back every cent I was given.  I’ve pretty much planned on giving up the card and going back to living off what little my parents give me.  Everything is debt and this one is being called due. 

And yes, I’m still looking for a job and applying to jobs.  And the new rules say I have to working to keep my food stamps but of I’m working I make too much to qualify but not enough to eat. 

I hate this. Between spending Christmas alone, dealing with losing my food stamps, worried about my inability to find a job, my depression and my anxiety everything is crashing down.  I’m just waiting for the really big shoe to drop and it will. And it will be bad. And it will be all my fault.

Hurt by the Church?

Mark Shea has a good post for those “hurt by the Church”. Good for those who haven’t been hurt as well. As someone who has been struggling with fellow Catholics (particularly in regards to comments on my blog from Catholic bloggers who want to rip me to shreds, condemn me to Hell, demand that I follow their twisted man made god who really is out to get everyone, that as a cradle Catholic I am inferior to converts,  and/or all of the above and more), this is helpful.

This is The “Evil”

I hate snow.  This is what I came home to after Mass and a quick run to the grocery store. This all started about 11 am and now it’s almost 2 pm. This is wrong and I totally called it when I found out the snow level for the mountain range we sit up against dropped to 500 ft.





And yes, it is still coming down.

Day 23

Of rain in Oregon. And we had sun before that.  If you don’t like the weather, just wait five minutes and you’ll get something else. Think we could go for 40? We might have borrow Noah’s ark, though.

And in other news, it looks like I’ll be celebrating Christmas on my own. No one has invited me for dinner.  Not what I wanted but I planned for it anyways. 

I actually managed to get a shower today. All just to go to the post office.  And then I thought that if I was dressed up I should go out. I didn’t but at least the energy and desire was there. Considering my depression has been really bad this year with the added anxiety of possibly losing my food stamps at New Year’s due to stupid changes in the rules, I’ve been grateful for even a minor boost in energy and activity.

Now if my sleep could be sorted out. I do not get sleepy and melatonin doesn’t help anymore. And staying asleep is hard. I sleep maybe two hours at a time. And then I’ll sleep for ten hours which really screws things up. So yeah.

For the Record

It has rained for 22 days straight (so far) in my little corner of Oregon. I’m thinking I might need to invest in a boat or scuba gear. And rain is in the forecast  through the weekend. Yes,  it is winter in  Oregon.


Type this later, if I remember.

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