I did not want to get out of bed today. I just want to hide. I have to deal with bureaucracy tomorrow and I’m afraid that I’m going to lose my food stamps due to the stupid changes in rules. Actually, I’m totally convinced that I will lose my food stamps and that I will have to pay back every cent I was given. I’ve pretty much planned on giving up the card and going back to living off what little my parents give me. Everything is debt and this one is being called due.
And yes, I’m still looking for a job and applying to jobs. And the new rules say I have to working to keep my food stamps but of I’m working I make too much to qualify but not enough to eat.
I hate this. Between spending Christmas alone, dealing with losing my food stamps, worried about my inability to find a job, my depression and my anxiety everything is crashing down. I’m just waiting for the really big shoe to drop and it will. And it will be bad. And it will be all my fault.