Stupid Anxiety

I’m still freaking out about starting the job tomorrow.  I drove out to the place to see how long it would take and as I was driving away from there I really didn’t want to go to work tomorrow.

I got to the grocery store and was fighting back tears.  I told myself to give it two weeks and if I still felt like this than I would tell the staffing agency that I need another assignment.

The job itself doesn’t seem like the problem and having a job is a good thing (and a good way for me to cope with my depression).  I just feel like I’ve made a bad decision in accepting this job. That all I do is keep making bad decisions. 

I’ve had two major periods of unemployment now. I think that’s part of the problem because I’ve spent so much time not working and looking for work that actually working is not something I can wrap my head around.  It’s something scary. And I feel like this was just dropped on me last minute even though it wasn’t.  I just really need more time to adjust but I don’t have it.

I did finally hear back about the job from the phone interview.  I didn’t get it. I got a call this morning for an application I put in two weeks ago but turned it down because I’m starting this new one. I kind of wish I hadn’t but it was call center and probably paid less than this job I currently have.

I feel like I’m going to get lost,  not to the location because I drove there earlier,  but after I get there. Or that I’ll get there and they won’t need me. Which my anxiety will like the second because then I won’t work and won’t be anxious.

I hate this.

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