My mother texted me earlier today to tell me she had put money in my account. (My parents are helping me financially until I get a job.) Then she asks if I’ve got a job yet and then tells me that she’s slowly running out of money. Money is a huge anxiety trigger for me. … Continue reading Money and My Mother’s Lies
The title comes from the lyrics to Charlotte Martin’s song Veins. It feels like everything is just getting worse, that everything is going to come to a head and I will lose everything. It’s going to be bad. So a bit of a backtrack. I made it to Mass Sunday and sorely wished I hadn’t. … Continue reading Loyalty to Pain
I am so close to leaving the Catholic Church right now. It has nothing, and I mean nothing, to do with anything in the news. It’s just me. I can’t hack it anymore. Nothing seems to get better. I didn’t go to Mass today. It may have started out as trying to fix my sleep … Continue reading Ready to Walk Away
Charlotte Martin “Redeemed” This song has been a big help lately. It’s not a religious song but you could interpret some of the lyrics as religious in meaning. I really appreciate the chorus because it says the abuse and my depression aren’t all of me. “Where is the hand for me to reach, where is … Continue reading Being Redeemed
I posted this comment over at Wisdom of Tears and thought that I should post it here on my own blog. I’ve read on some other blogs that Mother’s day is to celebrate GOOD mothers. You didn’t have a good mother and neither did I. Neither of us have to celebrate a day that didn’t … Continue reading I Don’t Celebrate Mother’s Day
This morning I saw Wannabe Fundycath and her husband at Mass for the first time in about a year. They were two pews ahead of me. I saw them and mildly freaked out. I actually thought about just walking to the back and going up to the choir loft to sit. But I stuck it … Continue reading I Managed
Mark Shea has a good post for those “hurt by the Church”. Good for those who haven’t been hurt as well. As someone who has been struggling with fellow Catholics (particularly in regards to comments on my blog from Catholic bloggers who want to rip me to shreds, condemn me to Hell, demand that I … Continue reading Hurt by the Church?