Posts Tagged 'apartment'

Remember That New Medication…

Yeah.  Didn’t work so well.  Made me sleep 12-14 hours a day. It also made me want to hide in bed all day. So I stopped taking it yesterday. And those were unexpected side effects. I emailed the doctor that I stopped taking it and the reasons why. We’ll see what happens.

Of course, my anxiety has gone up lately. I found out last Thursday (from Mr Drug Dealer himself) that he is schizophrenic and bipolar. And he’s not on any medication but he does take street drugs (aka illegal drugs).  I also got to hear his lovely delusions about his previous apartment and how the newspapers and TV news programs were going to expose “the truth” very soon.  He also keeps changing his story about who helps him and about all his “friends” that keep pounding on his door at all hours.  He also said that a girl screaming (for help) is no reason to call the cops. (I don’t know why the woman screamed which I didn’t hear but there was more going on that night than a scream and whomever called the police was right in doing so.)  I’m afraid to open my door anymore because I don’t knew who might be out there and if they might be dangerous to me or not.

I had a panic attack earlier today.  I know part of it stemmed from the library volunteer party Saturday night (I hadn’t been around that many people in a social setting in a very long time) and I was freaking out over what I said (I was fine but I always freak out over social situations) even though I didn’t say anything stupid. But I spent several minutes before my volunteer shift sitting in my car working on calming myself down because the library is totally not a scary place nor are the librarians.  I was able to calm myself down and was fine for my shift.  Then I went grocery shopping (I bought more than I planned but I should be fine for like two weeks now) and as I was driving home I realized I didn’t want to go home because Mr Drug Dealer is still my neighbor and I don’t want to have to deal with him at all.

I swear the quality of the tenants in this place has gone down. More are on some kind of public assistance or have a mental illness (oddly enough I’m not talking about myself though I could be included though I actually seek help and treatment) or substance abuse problems/addictions.  There seem to be more issues or at least talk about drugs/drug use in regards to tenants. Mind you, there are several children living in the complex, many under the age of ten.  I don’t want drugs anywhere near children. I don’t want them anywhere near this apartment either.

I would like to move but can’t afford to st this time, especially not without a job.

Some Good News

The apartment manager talked to Mr. Drugs (I may also refer to him as Mr. Drug Dealer) next door today.  I heard them through my front door. So the apartment manager is aware and is taking this seriously. I have no idea who reported him, again, and I don’t want to know (to keep them protected) but I’m grateful they have said something and made the apartment manager take notice.

This has also triggered my anxiety which I’m trying to manage but not doing very well. I want Mr. Drug Dealer gone but it’s not going to happen overnight. It will take time. This is the first step. It took several months to get Mr. Superiority Alcoholic evicted.  But this is a positive first step. I just have to keep this is mind.

I do have new medication for my anxiety so we’ll see how that works.

The Truth Behind My Anxiety

I didn’t set out the last few weeks to figure out my anxiety. It just happened. More accurately, conversations and reflections happened. I’ve been talking to the downstairs neighbor who started me on this track to figuring things out.

I’ve been in my apartment for over eleven years now. That’s 11 years and three months if you want to be exact.  I have seen tenants come and go. I’ve called the cops on some. I was grateful for others.  I’ve also dealt with a horrible apartment manager for several years and then was blessed with better ones. I’m still getting a feel for the new one.

The last four years or so have seen the quality, so to speak, of next door tenants degrade. (Reference point being from about 2013 onward) Enough so that seeing the police show up is not an unusual sight.  How screwed up is that? I also don’t know what to expect when I walk out my front door. With Mr Superiority Alcoholic (2015-June 2016), it was either him on some tangent or the police. I preferred the police because they treated me with respect. Mr Superiority Alcoholic treated me like an idiot. And when he started drinking, well, it was better for me to not be here. He may have never physically hurt me but that really didn’t mean anything.  He would still get violent and abusive. He also called the cops on himself but they couldn’t keep him locked up for long so he would be back within hours to start all over the next night.  And he would do this several times a week. I’m glad he was evicted.

The tenants before him, well the kids and grandkids really, were trouble before that.  Though the police weren’t called, there were a lot of issues with drugs and alcohol.  Lots of both. And even underage, I think but can’t prove. I’m glad they were evicted.

Between the two, knocking on the door sets me off.  I tense, worrying that something bad is going to happen if I don’t answer. I don’t answer because it’s next door and I hear knocking on that four due to how little of a wall there is between the apartment.  But now the current tenant next door is the most problematic. He has visitors at all hours of the day and night. Knocking incessantly.  I can’t prove it but I believe it’s drugs. I don’t want that shit here.  And they don’t stop.  They knock even when Mr Drugs isn’t home and they keep knocking til somebody answers the door.  And it’s a specific knock. And it’s the same people over and over again. But I can’t prove it’s drugs so I can’t do anything.

So living in this apartment has increased my anxiety. I don’t feel safe here. I worry about walking out my front door.  I hear a knock and I’m worried about violence.  I worry about people damaging or dealing my car or breaking into my apartment. 

But I can’t afford to move. I looked for another apartment and I’d be looking at paying nearly $1000 (yes that’s right) for a studio. I have a one bedroom now. I don’t want to have to move due to other people’s bad behavior. I want Mr Drugs gone. I shouldn’t have to suffer for someone else’s bad behavior. 

When It All Goes Kerbluey

Not a good day today.  Instead of getting up early like I planned (before noon) I was in bed until 5pm.  Then I found a notice on my door from the apartment manager about unauthorized guests (not me, general warning but this is the first time that anyone had done anything about it).  Then I checked my apartment mail box and found the notice about my late rent (I knew about it and had already mailed it weeks ago).  Add in the whole added on paperwork for my food stamps and the nitpicking by the woman in charge of that paperwork from yesterday.  Oh, and the medium sized spider I wasn’t able to kill before it skeddalded off to hide (again yesterday). Plus, the stupid mouse that I hope is dead but no clue (last month and a half).  And the refrigerator that has decided to start to smell (I know what’s causing it and there’s nothing I can do about; the fridge will fix itself in time) (the last few days).  I was in tears last night and again today.  I was certainly thinking it was the end of the work even though it wasn’t.

The apartment stuff has been dealt with so there’s nothing I can do now.

Food stamp extra paperwork: one form will be signed, I have to find another volunteer opportunity to fulfill the other nine hours I need, update resume again, make lists of professional and personal references (which I kind of already have but this woman wants lists of them yesterday), and wants me to go into excruciatingly tiny detail about my job search and how I apply to jobs on the paperwork I have to file every week.

That woman is driving me bonkers with all her nitpicking and changing rules.  Sounds passive aggressive to me.  On one level I understand she’s trying to help but it still feels like micromanaging and nitpicking that is unnecessary and irrelevant.

I know I will find a job. Yes, it’s been a while but I’m getting interviews more often now.  At this point I just have to keep slogging along and it will happen.

So while the medication for my depression has helped, I’m still having bad days.

The one really good thing: the Chicago Cubs made it to the World Series for the first time in 71 years.  Now they just have to win. Go Cubbies!

Well, That’s That

I’m home earlier from the temp job. Between the back pain, knee pain and whatever happened to two of the fingers of my right hand, I went home early. I was stretching out the back muscles and apparently that’s not something you’re supposed to do so I was told to go home which was fine by me.  I’m surprised that more people aren’t hurt because I didn’t see anybody doing anything to prevent repetitive motion injuries.  The job was almost all repetitive motion that could injury.  And it was pretty disorganized.  I’m not sure how anything gets done because nobody knows anything.  This was just not a good job.

The schedule didn’t help either. My insomnia was at its worst and I can’t survive on little sleep for long.  That’s when I end up in tears like I did at work yesterday and as I drove home today.  And it doesn’t help my depression, especially since I didn’t know exactly when I was finishing my shift. 

But I do have that interview Monday so that’s a step in the right direction. And I have to deal with state bureaucracy again since there’s some snafu that keeps losing my paperwork.  But the bad neighbor is finally gone. At least that’s some good news.

Lingering Frustration

Or why the apartment people need to run psychological testing on current and future tenants.

Or that the stupid student loan company lied to me again.

Or that Amazon has an idiotic return policy that is a hassle.

Or that I should be asleep right now but I’m not tired or sleepy. I am sore (library volunteering). And have a mild headache.

But yeah, constant low level frustration and irritation. Next door neighbor has gone off the deep end. He’s basically told me he’s out to ruin the apartment property management, financially. He told me that he wants to sue them so that he can own the property. I won’t quote what he said about the maintenance people or the current managers but he has a pretty bigoted opinion of them.

Then he tells me that he is going to sue the police department. I’m still not entirely sure why but it has to do with another individual (he’s related or his wife/girlfriend/significant other is related to this individual, again not sure) who may or may not have a no trespassing or restraining order against them. 

This does not include all the times he has told how I park my car is against code or that my car is not up to code (both lies) or other shit he has said. Hell, he loves to go on and on and on about codes and laws and how he’s going to force other people to follow the rules. And if they don’t,  he’s going to sue them into bankruptcy or have them arrested. He loves to act like he’s so smart and knows everything but it grates because that’s all he does with me. Tells me what rules are being broken or insulting the managers and the entire time he treats me like I’m just a silly, stupid girl who needs a man to run her life and tell her what to do.

I let the idiot talk because then I don’t have to. Plus, he loves the sound of his own voice and he definitely isn’t going to take anything I say seriously.

I just want him gone.  Allegedly, he may have found a new apartment but I find that difficult to believe. The apartment complex is being inspected later today (hey, it’s after 3 am) and this idiot conspiracy theorist had taped a note to his door threatening that if the managers visit he’s calling the cops. The note is is good handwriting but the spelling is so atrocious you wonder how he ever managed to get through school.  But then he likes to play the big powerful man in charge.

Mind you, he has told me that he has taken guns and gone to attempt to kill someone. He called the police on himself but with a history like that I’m concerned for my safety and others.

I can’t do much unless he does something. I just hope that the alleged other apartment is real and that they move.  But yeah, I’m frustrated and irritated. I dread going out or coming home sometimes because of him and I’m afraid of what he might do. 

Friday the 12th

Almost half way through September.

1. Yay, next door neighbors are completely gone.  I hope the next tenants are better.

2.  It might be September but we’re supposed to be in the 90s the next three days.  I want rain.

3.  The naughty droids are back to the library.  That was an excellent read and now I know the plot of The Empire Strikes Striketh Back.  Yoda in haiku, what more needs to be said?

4.  After all the mental stress she has caused me lately, I am banning myself from thinking about my friend for the next three days.

5.  The ability to request books on my to read shelf on Good Reads through interlibrary loan is awesome.  I’ve requested five so far and will be working my way down my list.  If I can’t find the author or book in the library catalogue, then it gets deleted.  I not only get books from my local library but all the libraries in the county.  A very, very awesome thing.  I can even check out e-books if I want.  That might be awhile.

6.  Since I can’t go for my walk today (my workout clothes had to,be washed and are now drying), I ended up cleaning up,my apartment a bit.  Went through receipts, threw dirty socks in the laundry, put items away.  So things look a bit neater.

7.  Don’t know what to put for seven.


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