Loyalty to Pain

The title comes from the lyrics to Charlotte Martin’s song Veins. It feels like everything is just getting worse, that everything is going to come to a head and I will lose everything. It’s going to be bad. So a bit of a backtrack. I made it to Mass Sunday and sorely wished I hadn’t. … Continue reading Loyalty to Pain

Creeping Into Sadness

This is the time of year it gets bad for me.  The holiday season.  October through at least Februay. A reminder of how screwed up I am, how much of an idiot I am for wanting to be loved especially by my family, how I’ve failed at everything, how I’ve deluded myself in thinking that … Continue reading Creeping Into Sadness

Walking On Eggshells

I spent most of my life after my sisters were born walking on eggshells around my mother.  I never knew what was going to set her off.  Though most of the time it didn’t involve me doing anything.  I was always afraid.  Afraid of the explosion.  Going from quiet monster to raging bull running down … Continue reading Walking On Eggshells

A Story About Ants

A few years ago, I had a major ant problem in my apartment. Thankfully, they were confined to a few specific areas but they caused me a lot of anxiety and stress. Nothing I did worked.  So I told the apartment manager. What did she do? Nothing. She told me having ants in the apartment … Continue reading A Story About Ants

Liars, Thieves, and Cheaters

I’m done with Josh Duggar. But I’m not done with talking about how abusers affect their victims. They are liars.  They lie about the fact that they molest children, hit children, yell and scream and threaten children. They lie about hitting women, raping women, threatening women, isolating women.  They lie about hitting men, raping men, … Continue reading Liars, Thieves, and Cheaters

Quiverfull and Fatherhood

Part Four (Warning: Graphic images) Quiverfull is largely centered on women and babies, with a heavy emphasis on babies.  Men are largely breadwinners, provide half the genetic material, and the main discipliners.  Men are expected to fulfill specific roles.  Nurturing and hands on parenting for fathers is discouraged in Quiverfull, except for corporal punishment. Quiverfull … Continue reading Quiverfull and Fatherhood