Posts Tagged 'family'

My Family Is Messed Up

The short version: my middle sisters are idiots, extremely vain, and self centered. And I’m grateful I don’t communicate with them at all.

Now I have a constant low level of irritation to get rid of that’s their fault.

Good news: clean laundry. It’s an awesome smell. And I got a shower, dressed, and out of my apartment everyday this week.  That’s a good record for me lately. Still a bit sore from Thurs so my neck is stiff and achy due to that and probably slept on it funny. Who knew shelving books would be a workout  (children’s books especially good for lots of movement).

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He likes the smell of clean laundry, too. Hence the smile on his face.

Yes, The Children

Yesterday’s post garnered quite a lot of attention.  And it brought out the comment trolls.  Policy is still enforced.

There was a point that I didn’t make yesterday and applies not just to gays and children but society’s view of children in general. 

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Children have become a possession instead of the people they actually are.  Children are treated as things to collect.  Like dolls you can dress up, feed, play with them but if they don’t meet adults impossible standards or the adults grow tired of them the children are abused, thrown away, rehomed,  or even killed.  I thought the increase in child abuse reports had to do with better reporting and tracking.  Yes and no.  There is better reporting but also, more parents are hurting their children. 

There has been a shift in how society sees children.  On one level, they have become people worthy of rights and protection.  Overall, though, children are much more likely to be seen and considered possessions, toys, objects to show off to others.  They don’t exist as people with needs and wants of their own. 

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So children become pawns, objects in a game.  Especially when the adult considers their rights more important than anybody else’s.  “Gay marriage” places gays’ sexual orientation and acts above the protection of children.  Homosexuals who “marry” and then “have”  children are using those children to play at marriage and family.  Their “gay marriage” and “family” is entirely artificial.  It comes from forcing mismatched pieces together to make something they were not meant to make or go together.

And while it can happen in heterosexual marriages, children are a natural part and result of the marriage.  Yes, the couple may use artificial means to have children (IVF, surrogacy, sperm donors, etc.) but these methods are still wrong and force a children conceived by one of these means to be a possession.  They “create” a child in the lab instead of through the natural means of sexual intercourse.  And most of those artificial methods have a high failure rate and are expensive.

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Heterosexual marriage is the best family for children.  They get a mother and father who create them in love and raise them in a stable environment that is protective and nurturing.  The children are people in this family rather than objects of possession. 

Yes, abuse is possible but it is much, much less likely to happen than in any other “family” makeup.  The instant a child loses a parent instability and insecurity sets in.  No matter if the child gains another parent through a parent’s new marriage or the parent stays single or the parent chooses to be in a homosexual relationship, the child loses.  Even if the child has been removed from an abusive home, the child knows that it needs and wants a mother and a father.  Artificial means of procreation tells the child that the adult’s desires are more important than the child’s needs and that the child is like an object bought at the store instead of the child lovingly created through an act of love and unity.

Children know.  They are people, too, and that is a fact that we ignore, deny, and cover up to our own and their peril.  Children, once they figure out that they are supposed to have a mother and father, feel lost and ashamed for not having what they expect.  They feel that it is their fault that they do not have whichever parent is missing from their lives and so determine that they are unimportant and worthless as people.  If they feel they are there just to serve the adults’ selfish needs and wants, they are being abused and their rights to care, love and protection violated.

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I think hearing from two gay men on how they view all this is important.  When they stand up for the family, it’s a big deal.

In an interview with the Italian magazine Panorama, designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana of Dolce & Gabbana had some contentious things to say about same-sex families.

According to translations, the pair — who dated for 23 years and broke up in 2005 — stated that children born through IVF are “children of chemistry, synthetic children. Uteruses for rent, semen chosen from a catalog.”

“I am gay, I cannot have a child. I guess you cannot have everything in life,” Dolce added. “Life has a natural course, some things cannot be changed. One is the family.”

What About The Children?

“Gay marriage ” does not protect children.  It abuses them.  “Gay marriage” provides a “legally” promoted structure that hurts children in every way.  In “gay marriage”, children are property and objects to be taken from their parents and raised in an environment that is oriented towards the adults selfish sexual gratification.  Children lose their God given humanity and right to be raised and loved by a mother and a father who are married to each other when they are raised by “gay parents” in a “gay marriage”. 

Marriage, properly understood, has as its end, the holiness of the spouses and the creation and raising of children.

“Gay marriage” can do neither.  Two lesbians cannot conceive a child through their sexual acts nor can to gay men.  They must take children from their true parents or force a woman to give up her natural child so that the child is forced into a most unnatural environment. That child is deprived of its natural parents and forced to have parents who selected it as if they had gone down to Ikea and picked out a new sofa.  Even children whose families started out normal with mom and dad are forced into accepting a parent’s unnatural living arrangements when one parent chooses to divorce and live in a gay relationship.

So “gay marriage” does not benefit children in any way.  Governments and religions have always understood that marriage is about children and the protection of the family and the future of civilization.  “Gay marriage” destroys all three because it is a selfish adult act that is only oriented towards the adults.

You say, what about children adopted by gays who never would have been adopted otherwise?   Honestly, those children would still have been adopted by a loving couple with a husband and wife who would love them as children and raise them into adulthood.  They would learn how to be men and women from their father AND mother. 

Gay parents are absent a parent.  Children in that situation have only one “parent” a mother or a father.  Having two mothers ot two fathers is much like being raised by a single parent and not good for the child.  A child suffers with only one parent and studies have proven that being raised by a single parent has a detrimental effect on the child’s education, physical, emotional, and psychological health.  Children do much better in a family with both a mother and a father, which science has proven time and again.

As for the studies that “prove” gay parents are on the same level as opposite sex parents, those studies have very poor methodology, very limited sampling, and the studies themselves were improperly designed with the deliberate aim that they would “prove” gay parents were on par or better than opposite sex parents. 

So the science supports opposite sex parenting as being extremely beneficial for children while same sex parenting has no scientific support and preliminary research shows that same sex parenting is the same as single parenting or worse.

Monday/Tuesday

I had wanted to post these seven things yesterday but the previous post preempted that.

1. New mug.

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I won this at the bridal shower.  Finally won something.  By the way, what is a tea caddy?  It’s the small box in the mug and it’s shaped like a teapot but it doesn’t look like it will hold anything but a teabag.  Not knocking, just don’t know what it is.

2. I have now been to Newburg and Sherwood, OR.  Having been to neither place before Sunday, I see this as an accomplishment.

3.  If my grandmother were still alive, she would have turned 96 yesterday.  She lived to 90 after surviving two husbands and breast cancer.  She had three kids, seven grandkids (of course I am one), and five great-grandkids at the time she died.

4.  Apparently, summer isn’t over yet here in Oregon.  Upper 80s on the weekends and upper 70s and low 80s during the week.  I want rain.

5.  The obnoxious next door neighbors are moving out.  Finally.  The grandson is still staying, last I heard though if he does I figure I’ll be making more calls to the police.  There are very good reasons for that.  I just want them all to move out.  Druggies, alcoholics, bullies, and all.

6.  Still working on the naughty Droids.  Yes, still reading The Empire Striketh Back.  It would be hilarious to see this performed as a play.

7.  It’s interesting to read book reviews on Good Reads, then read the book, and not see what the negative reviewers are griping about.  Sometimes, I think some readers expect too much from a book and are glad to be disappointed when it falls to meet their expectations. Or they refuse to give the story a chance.  Maybe I just expect books to be books and it’s dependent on me to find the good and bad instead of the book making that decision for me.

House of Fear vs. House of Love

This is a post I’ve been meaning to write for a while.

I grew up in a house full of fear.  I was always afraid, always on edge, always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  My mother set the atmosphere in that house and set it early.  I don’t remember any love or care from her.  Only anger and rage.  Yes, she wasn’t angry all the time but it sure felt like it to me.  I never knew what would set her off, what she would come after me for this time. I was constantly alert, constantly afraid. I wasn’t safe and I didn’t know it.  I thought everyone lived this way because I only really saw the isolated world I was imprisoned in and couldn’t see anything else.

Not only fear but no boundaries as well.  I wasn’t a person to my mother.  I was a mistake, a failure, something that ruined her life. My thoughts, my feelings, my own body weren’t mine according to her.  My physical body was hers to control.  Therefore, I was too fat, too ugly, too stupid, too much of a failure, too bad for everything except Hell, would never amount to anything.  In her world, I wasn’t fit to live but wasn’t worthy enough to kill either. Destruction was easier for her and made it look like she was a good mother and I was just a bad daughter.  Maybe if I was like her then I would be okay but she couldn’t have that because she considered herself perfect and nothing could compete with perfection.  Therefor, I had to be destroyed.

Where was my father in all this? On the sidelines, keeping his head down.  But I didn’t know until I talked to him yesterday that he also considered me a disappointment.  I heard it in his voice.  And I thought he loved me.  He does, on some level, but I painted him as an innocent victim of my mother when in reality he was a passive enabler.  I did not have parents who cared for my welfare beyond the very basics.  There was no love, no caring, no intimacy. Nothing that made us a family except DNA and blood.

Now I have friends that I can see love their children and raised them in a house full of love.  No matter what these kids have done or believe or act (and the kids are adults about the same age as me) my friends still love them and shower that love on them.  No strings attached.  No unreasonable expectations. And they give that love to everyone they meet, no matter.  They do and say things that my own family of origin would never tolerate or allow. 

It’s so strange and hard to go from a house full of fear with no respect for personal boundaries and extremely unreasonable behavioral expectations to what amounts to an almost free for all.  It’s not but it certainly seems like it to me.  I keep expecting the other shoe to drop, to expect something I can’t give, to be hurt and dumped.  This just can’t be real, can it?

It’s such a different world and I’m an alien in it. I don’t feel like I fit in.

Setbacks

My parents and youngest sister came to visit this weekend.  My dad was fine.  So was my sister.  My mother is still such an angry and controlling person.  I am now so stressed out from their visit.  I was already concerned over my mental health before their visit because I was having more bad days than good.  Now I have to go through another two weeks just to destress from their visit before I can make a doctors appointment to talk about my medication.  I had already planned on waiting due to my parent’s visit since the anticipation of that had set me back but now I have to deal with my mother’s anger and lousy attitude that she inflicted on me.

I was starting to heal from what my mother had done to me.  I was ready for them to be gone yesterday but found out at breakfast this morning she still holds the view that she didn’t do anything wrong.  I brought up the fact that she used to tell me all the time I was fat.  She denied ever saying it.  But I remember all the putdowns and threats she made to growing up.  But she will forever deny saying these things or doing any of these things.  She just doesn’t remember.  Or refuses to remember.  To her, she was the perfect mother.  My sisters and I remember otherwise.

My sister did corroborate our mother’s habit of burning everything she cooked.  My sister also said she was a sweet child (ha!) but pleasantly suprised me in the way she’s turned out.  She needs some better catechesis about her Catholic faith but at least she’s still Catholic.

I understand intellectually that my mother is not capable of loving me but the liitle girl that was abused and broken still yearns for that love.


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