Posts Tagged 'men'

Some of the Road to “Gay Marriage”

It all started with Martin Luther.  You know, that guy.  The one who started the Protestant Reformation.  Or more accurately, the loss of millions of souls to man made heresy.  He started the redefinition of marriage saying it was not a sacrament and even allowing polygamy (Defenders of the Faith).

Protestantism opened the door for unrestrained free market capitalism.  Why worry about your immortal soul when you can make money now and enjoy its rewards now?  Besides, with Protestantism, only those in your really special group are going to Heaven so manipulate others into slaving away for money and cheap goods.  And you can just start your own with its own beliefs and moral codes if you don’t like anyone else’s.

Claim religious persecution  (never mind the persecution you and your group have wrought; Puritans persecuted and were very intolerant) and leave to a “new” land.  Persecute anyone coming from your home country if they differ religiously from you or abuse them until they conform to your ways and beliefs.   This will work for a few centuries till you appear to have changed your ways only to better hide your hate so that you can continue to have power to abuse, harass, and even kill those you still don’t believe exactly as you do. 

Allege to get fed up with your home country and declare freedom and war.  Go to war.  Win.  Right a Constitution that guarantees rights to the religious majority but with the end ideal being freedom from all religion, especially Christianity (Reinventing Liberal Christianity). Religion should be kept private and in the home.  Keep up the harassment and abuse and slavery and classism and racism. Enlightenment has shown you the truth of these as well as “science”.  Harass, bully, and kill Catholics just to prove that you are “better” than them.  Fail.

Make money.  Explore the country you “bought” and harass and abuse the local natives who lived here first.  Do so quietly at first because you can buy their land from them at a steal.  Start a war over slavery but isn’t really about slavery at all.  One side wins, the other loses and the slaves are no longer called slaves but suffer the same conditions and abuses.  Keep oppressing and legislate that oppression into law.

Create legislation that puts local natives on reservations, keeps freed slaves from gaining any rights, and keeps immigrants from anything but slave labor.  Remember,  Enlightenment taught us the inferiority of those not white, Anglo, straight, and Protestant. Science and reason support.  Legislate involuntary sterilization on those deemed “unfit” (Buck v. Bell; Three Generations, No Imbeciles).  We don’t want undesirables reproducing.

Church of England will change their teaching on birth control in 1930 and the damage to women, men, children, families, marriages, and society has been horrendous and mind boggling. Objectivation of women becomes mandatory.  More people stop believing in God or following His precepts.

Allow women to work for the war effort then force them home again when the men return.  They’re only good as wives and mothers.  Actually, they are only sexual objects.  Start using women as sexual objects in advertising.

Create the Pill so that women can be “free” from pregnancy but in reality enslaves women to much worse.  Fill everyone’s heads with lies about free love, no fault divorce, sex without consequences, abortion and the right to choose, the right of a woman to her own body.  Make sex all about pleasure rather than the marital embrace about unity and procreation.

The Catholic Church will stand up for the truth (“Humanae Vitae”) but end up ridiculed by even her own children for “not getting with the times”.  Many will choose to violate Church teaching on sex and marriage and will promote those sins.  Many will leave the Catholic Church but many more with stay and try to force a change.  They unfortunately succeed at the individual level. 

See sin promoted as normal on TV and in books.  Treat those that see sin as sin as irrelevant and stuck in the past.  Ignore and deride them publicly and frequently.  Brag about how having sex all the time will many different people is wonderful.  Brag about how abortion is a woman’s right and how babies are now wanted.  Brag about how birth control lets women have sex when they want with whomever they want without consequences.  Brag about how religion is antiquated and has no use anymore but protect those in “persecuted ” religions.  Christianity is not one of them.

Create computers and the World Wide Web.  Make it so that everyone has to use it to do business.  Use it to influence and manipulate businesses and governments to do what the Electronic Herd wants (The Lexus and the Olive Tree).  Use it for social justice means and gatherings.  Use it to commit crimes, to pander pornography and abuse, to traffic in human lives.

Start showing gay people everywhere.   Ignore and even cover up truths about homosexuality.  Portray them as no different than everyone else.  Play up the lies about being persecuted and harassed.  Talk about rights and how gays just want to love their partner.  Continue to ignore the promiscuity, the abuse, the child sex abuse, the high levels of STDs among gays.  Ignore how gays bully and abuse other gays and straights at much higher rates than straights on gays. 

Create the concept of “hate crimes” that applies to only gays and “persecuted religions”.  Catholics will be attacked and even killed, in one case, for supporting Church teaching on marriage but this case never gets accurately reported or treated as a hate crime or that it was a  gay man attacking a Catholic woman for being Catholic.

Create a culture of me.  Make everything about the individual and their rights, wants, “needs”.  Elevate narcissism to new heights (The Impulse Society). Disdain marriage and child rearing.  Make money, sex, and pleasure the end all of everything.  Villify those that want tradition marriage with distinct sex and gender roles and children.  Allow God to exist only as a vending machine. 

Give out free birth control to teens and pre-teens in school and teach explicit sex education as a means of preventing “teen pregnancy”.  Belittle and demean abstinence and chastity as useless and pointless and something that only “those weird, stupid Christians” do.  Keep pushing how pleasurable and wonderful sex is and how to have “safe sex”.  If they get pregant, they can just have an abortion and adults will even drive teens and children across state lines to procure an abortion.

Hell, tell girls that they can just use abortion as a form of birth control.  They do not have to take responsibility for their actions.  If a teenage girl or even a young girl is raped, they can get an abortion. The rapist can walk right into the clinic with the rape victim and force her to get an abortion and he will never be caught.  He can go on raping her until he gets bored and moves onto another victim.  Laws about mandatory reporting don’t matter in abortion.  Only the abortion matters.  The girl has no rights or protections but the rapist, child molesters, abortion doctors, etc. do.

Make marriage about “love” not about holiness and children (Catechism of the Catholic Church).  Make love just a feeling instead of a choice of will, and action, and a sacrifice.   Then bully, bully, bully.

That’s how you get “gay marriage”.  It’s also how polygamy will be judicially imposed within the next ten years, making it “legal”.  There are already cases in the works for that.  Pedophilia is not far behind.  Hell, there was a conference somewhere in England just in the last few months that argued that pedophilia is a “”normal”” sexual orientation and that 1 in 35 British men are oriented that way.  Hogwash but it has already started.  (The double quotation marks are to emphasize how wrong that term is in regards to a deviant, criminal behavior that has the sexual abuse of children as its aim.)

That’s how, in brief overview, we in America got “gay marriage”. And yet, not all is lost.  They have a “legal” “right” to “marriage” but not a sacramental privilege.  And marriage is a privilege, not a right.  And those that “gained” the “right” to “gay marriage” have still lost.  They are still in mortal sin that is offensive to God. 

They are not in a true marriage and never will be, no matter the legal wrangling and decay of culture and the true meaning of words. But they can still repent and give up their sinful ways.  Gays who live this way are not totally lost though if they do not repent and become chaste they will be lost forever.

We still have a fight on our hands because many gays and their supporters want to force churches to perform “gay marriages” regardless of what those churches profess and believe.  They are the ones persecuting people, especially Christians. 

Many Christians, and especially the Catholic Church, hold to the true teaching of marriage and sex that God revealed and created.  Many gays and even many “Christians” don’t like that and want to force them to change.  They’ll even deliberately misinterpret the Bible to show acceptance for their support of sin.  But for those of us who hold to the truth about sex and marriage as God created need to keep strong,  keep the faith, and pass the Faith on to others accurately so that they know the truth and about sin.  And so that they don’t fall into sin.

We can change the world.  It will take time, prayer, persistence, and real God oriented love.  Nothing is impossible with God.  We must trust Him and ask for His help and grace.  So pray.  And don’t be a jerk in teaching the truth.

Works Cited

Reston, Jr., James. (2009) Defenders of the Faith: Charles V, Suleyman the Magnificent, and the Battle for Europe, 1520-1536. Penguin Press HC.

Hobson, Theo. (2013) Reinventing Liberal Christianity.

Lombardo, Paul A. (2008) Three Generations, No Imbeciles: Eugenics, the Supreme Court, and Buck v. Bell. John Hopkins University Press.

Pope Paul VI. (1968) “HUMANAE VITAE”

Friedman, Thomas. (2000) The Lexus and the Olive Tree: Understanding Globalization. Anchor.

Roberts, Paul. (2014) The Impulse Society: America in the Age of Instant Gratification. Bloomsbury.

Catechism of the Catholic Church.

Pius XI. “Casti Connubii”


How We Got “Gay Marriage”

Deleted post due to the fact that I think the topic needs more research, well citations, on my part and all of these books are at the public library or online. It’s something I see but I’m not sure I can convince others of. But these books have influenced my thinking in the regards to how “gay marriage” unfortunately came about and how the slippery slope of other perversions being made legal will happen within the next decade.

Suggested Reading

Reston, Jr., James. (2009) Defenders of the Faith: Charles V, Suleyman the Magnificent, and the Battle for Europe, 1520-1536. Penguin Press HC.

Hobson, Theo. (2013) Reinventing Liberal Christianity.

Lombardo, Paul A. (2008) Three Generations, No Imbeciles: Eugenics, the Supreme Court, and Buck v. Bell. John Hopkins University Press.

Pope Paul VI. (1968) “HUMANAE VITAE”

Friedman, Thomas. (2000) The Lexus and the Olive Tree: Understanding Globalization. Anchor.

Roberts, Paul. (2014) The Impulse Society: America in the Age of Instant Gratification. Bloomsbury.

Catechism of the Catholic Church.

Bernstein, William J. (2004) The Birth of Plenty: How the Prosperity of the Modern World Was Created.McGraw-Hill.

Quiverfull and Fatherhood

Part Four

(Warning: Graphic images)

Quiverfull is largely centered on women and babies, with a heavy emphasis on babies.  Men are largely breadwinners, provide half the genetic material, and the main discipliners.  Men are expected to fulfill specific roles.  Nurturing and hands on parenting for fathers is discouraged in Quiverfull, except for corporal punishment.

Quiverfull gender roles are largely derived from a theological belief called Patriarchy.  It is also called complementarianism.  Men are considered the head of the family, spiritual and physical.  Their wives are to obey them in everything but sin, though sometimes even then (see Debbie Pearl’s Created to Be His Helpmeet for examples).  The justification comes from Ephesians 5:22-24 where St. Paul lays out wives being submissive to their husbands (while ignoring verse 21 which requires mutual submission) and Genesis 2:18 where God created a helper for Adam, the first man. 

(I could go into a refutation of woman as inferior helper and slave but the are multiple places that reveal the truth.  It is part and parcel of Patriarchy and comes.from Genesis 2.)

Since Patriarchy is an authoritarian belief system, the justification to abuse others using the Bible is rampant.  Women are kept financially, physically, and emotionally dependent on their husbands.  Husbands may beat, harass, threaten, rape, withhold money and support all in the name of being the head of the family.  And say the God approves.  I’ll get to children later in this post.


Men in Quiverfull are just as hurt by its beliefs and practices as women and children are.  While there is nothing wrong with being the sole financial provider, men are usually expected to be the only provider.  Many lack a decent education due to restrictive homeschooling with its emphasis on religious beliefs and practices and disdain for government educational standards. 



Many receive the equivalent or near equivalent of a high school education.  Many times the education is barely eighth grade level. Many are forbidden from going to college or can only go to an unaccredited Christian college.

A lack of education hinders many from getting a decent job or at least a job that would financially support a large family.  Men may even have to work multiple jobs to support their families. This leaves men overworked and even overwhelmed.  But the emotional health of men is not a concern. 

Men also have to live up the false standards of Patriarchy.  They are expected to be the spiritual and physical head of the family. Patriarchy says that men be authoritarian leaders who give orders and make demands that must be obeyed immediately and without question.  Disobedience and other infractions are to be punished with corporal punishment, i.e. spanking.  Disobedience is rarely or vaguely defined and almost an always arbitrary condemnation.  It can be much worse if the parents follow the teachings of Michael Pearl and his book To Train Up A Child.

(I suggest the site to refute his teachings and to learn about gentle Christian parenting)


Threatening a child. Threats may include things such as spanking, loss of friends, damnation to hell, being kicked out of the home, etc.


Michael Pearl advocates parents start spanking as young as three months.  This baby was the victim of abuse but if the parents were followers of Pearl’s teaching then this could be a result.


A child that has been on the receiving end of corporal punishment, probably been hit with a thin stick.  Again, fathers in Quiverfull are expected to spank their children for disobedience and any other reason they decide.


Mothers, too, can and will spank their children in Quiverfull.  This particular picture gives the impression the mother is spanking in anger, something parents in Quiverfull allege they don’t do.


One potential object used to spank a child.  Many children are spanked on bare buttocks with things like this spoon, hair brushes, paddles, and belts though this is not an exhaustive list.

Men in Quiverfull are not permitted to be hands on (except spanking) or nurturing.  Their fatherhood is defined in activities they do outside the home (work), their “God given” gender role (spiritual and physical head of the family), and their “God given” ability to spank their children info submission.  Men in Quiverfull are denied their whole being to fulfill man made gender roles.

Doing any of these is frowned upon or even forbidden.




Remember, babies and children are women’s work.  Men are discouraged from being tender, gentle, and nurturing. It’s all about rigid gender roles rather than discovering how God made you to be and working in partnership with their spouses.  If men do do these things, it’s not talked about or hidden. 

Also, not all families in Quiverfull spank or spank to excess.  There are higher incidents of abuse and definitely a greater emphasis on obedience and physical discipline and corporal punishment in Quiverfull.  Rigid gender roles plus fringe religious beliefs plus lack of education plus limited finances plus other elements create an environment that encourages or at least greatly excuses abuse.

Men are just as hurt by Quiverfull as women and children are.  Their victimization is covered up or not even acknowledged.

Girls Are Sex Objects (And You Better Treat Them That Way)

Yes, the title is provocative but it’s also true.  Two, no, three different blog posts I read on WordPress Reader TODAY have mentioned modesty and how girls dress.  Girls not even teens but prepubescent girls.

The first post was under the Catholic tag and was about modesty.  Anytime religion or faith enters into a discussion about girls and how they dress I an very, very, very wary.  And I’m Catholic   but some take it too far.

It usually ends up being a blame fest pointing the finger at the girls and making them at fault for a man’s actions.  It’s the Professional Weaker Brother Syndrome and it’s a deliberate misinterpretation of a Bible verse which I’m not even going to bother to post here.

Now this a blog post was mostly okay up until the blogger mentioned that men and women are so different that women can’t understand that men are so visual and that women’s fashion are hurting them. 

Hello, No. 

Men are visual but that does not excuse them for their actions, attitudes, and behaviors.  There was more than that but it basically came down to: Women, you are dressing like sluts and hurting our poor, weak men by making them lust and so you hussies need to get with the program and dress how these poor men tell you to dress.  And you should be so ashamed of yourselves for being born female with breasts and curves.  You need to hide and cover up.

And all of this is coming from WOMEN.  How messed up is that?

Then there was the blog post about a dress code for middle schoolers.  The dress code wasn’t so much the problem as the enforcement of it was.  Remember, these girls are 11-14.  But the blogger made very important points.  Girls are being told from a very young age and even in school where they shouldn’t have to deal with theses issues, that their looks are more important than any abilities or talents they might have.

Like I said sex objects.  Girls and women are being assaulted visually and mentally into being sex objects.  Advertisers know sex sells so they use it in everything.  Even toys and clothes for little girls.  We are  being turned into sex objects and told to stay there. Human beings need not apply.

And girls and women get it from all sides.  Christians, Muslims, and Orthodox Jews (believe me, it’s not just Fundy Christians who have dress codes for women) all point to women and outright blame women for men’s behavior.  I know Christian and Muslims back up their unrealistic proscriptions with Bible and Quran verses, respectively.  They focus on how women behave and dress but they also send the message to boys and women that women are constantly setting traps so that men are forced to sin.  Yes, forced because, at least Christians, choose to selectively forget that it is the individual who chooses to sin.  You cannot force a person to sin.  That’s a sin in and of itself.  But then as soon as it involves women, men, and any hint or idea of sex women are automatically at fault no matter if it was the man doing the sinning, as in the case of rape.

Especially in Fundy circles, where boys are indoctrinated at a young age to see women as objects and that anything girls and women do or say or wear can make a man sin, this perverse idea of modesty has taken hold.  Women are objects unless you are married them it’s a person but boys, just as much as girls, are hurt by modesty doctrine.  They are told girls are objects, sex demons that are out to trap them, that they aren’t to think about sex or their body or anybody’s body because that’s lust and sin but then it all becomes okay after you get married and that being married means you will have awesome sex all the time and lust will never be a problem and then you have ALL sorts of problems.

Worse, this has leaked into secular culture.   Preteen girls are being told they can’t wear this or that because they have hit puberty which means breasts have started growing and other physical changes.  Girls and women are being punished for being born female.  They aren’t supposed to dress indecently but then are punished for dressing like a girl.  

It’s not just dress codes.  It’s about sex and gender.  Feminists can argue all they want that women are better treated than they were a hundred years ago, two hundred years ago but really, in many ways, things haven’t changed.  Or they have gotten worse.  Women are expected to turn themselves into sex objects and are punished, usually by OTHER WOMEN, when these women refuse to and instead, see themselves as living, beating human beings worthy of dignity and respect.  Worse, many feminists are guilty of telling women to dress like sluts and them slut shaming these women for doing what the feminists tell them to do.

So, like I said, all sides. Women aren’t objects and it’s a lie that  women and girls are being force fed from a young age.  Dress like a women and you will upset a whole bunch of people.  Christians will say you causing man to sin and that you are a stumbling block.  Secular authorities tell you that you are causing problems for boys.  Feminists say you can dress how you want but then shame you no matter how you dress.

So it sucks to be a women.  You are at fault for EVERYTHING.  Turn yourself into an object.  Many men, and even some women, will be happy that you are a sex object they can use and discard for their pleasure.  Many men, and a whole lot more women, still think you are an object but an object of shame and ridicule, something to be made an example of and then thrown in the trash.

Women are not objects.  We are people, actual and whole.  Our exterior appearance is part of us but it isn’t all of us.  We are more than the sum of our external parts. We are not objects to be used but people who want to be loved and cared for, for who we are as a whole, not for some little piece of us.

How we dress is not that important though it may reflect that person’s personality.  We are not breasts and butts for you to ogle.  You have no right to judge how we dress or how we look or if we have the right body parts or not.  You do not get to judge or look at my body for your own depraved desired and then blame me for existing. You do not get to decide if I am pretty or not, attractive or not.  You do not get to decide if I am worth fucking or not.

I am not an object.  I am a woman with talents and abilities.  I will dress however I want.  I am not here to serve your depraved desires or to “serve” you in any way.  I will not listen to your stupid judgments about me, about how I dress, about how I look, about how pretty or not I am.  I will not let you have a say in my life.

Like the poster said, I am Me and I am Okay.

And Then…?

Well, not much really.  I had planned on going to the library again today to work on sending out cover letters and resumes but then my digestive system decided to revolt.  At least this time I managed to knock out the pain with the heating pad. I didn’t want to spend an hour and a half in the bathroom in pain at the level I had last time my digestive system revolted.  This time no pain and more reading on beginning programming.

Yes, I read in the bathroom.  It’s easy to focus and I needed something to do besides the stuff you do in a bathroom.  So I read.  I read the only Westerns that I’ll read in the bathroom.  Read through other fiction.  This is the first time reading non-fiction.  But good reading.  Even if the book was written in 1998.  Yes. 1998.

I’m not just learning, I’m laughing.  Windows 98 had just come out when this book was written and while the book mentions it, it largely refers to Windows 95.  Yes.  That prehistoric dinosaur.  At least he hasn’t mentioned Windows 3.1 which was the predececer (sp?) to 95.  I so need to write a post on Windows and it’s iterations mostly in its matter of failyness.  And I know that’s not a word but Windows had several fails.  Some of them spectacular.  And yes, I do like Windows and can still mock it.

I also baked scones today.  I did it from a mix so it was very easy. 

I also have an idea for a series of posts on marriage, the evangelical fundamentalist gender gospel preach about (a whole lot that isn’t in the Bible at all and is made up by certain evangelical preachers and Neo-Cal preachers to push their own agenda and hurting people in the process all in the name of Jesus, who also rarely, if ever gets mentioned) and how more and more are buying this bill of goods (even Catholics) all to be “good Christians.” 

It’s interesting to read through the Catechism because I find no sign of these false beliefs that women must only be wives and mothers and stay at home and never work and always be subservient and under the authority of a man. 

Complementerianism is this false ideology that women are inferior and must be kept this way due to their gender.  Women, who are infantilized in this suppressive culture, must learn only to keep house, have lots of babies, must not be well educated, must not work, must always obey men especially fathers and husbands, and must not recognize or even consider that they have value and worth, especially not outside of being married to a man. 

Women and their existence are defined in their relationship to men.  If they aren’t married, then they don’t exist. Men define womens’ existence and they only exist if they say so.  Women aren’t really human to these nuts.  They’re just breeders and maids and prostitutes and cooks and manual labor. 

This false ideology has become pervasive in evangelical culture so much so that many women are marginalized and even shamed if they don’t follow this heresy.  Some are falsely accused, put under “church discipline”, excommunicated, and then
forced to leave and lose church, family, and friends who still adhere and even believe to this heresy.  Just read the Wartburg Watch, a blog dedicated to exposing this kind of garbage and the damage it has done to people.

I haven’t even gotten into how these heresies feed into child sexual abuse and how it puts all the blame on the victim and how the proprietors cover up and excuse this abuse all to protect their little fiefdoms and beliefs and ideologies.

What’s worse is that there are many women who buy this garbage and then force it on other women.  And if these women don’t swallow this garbage then the “true believers” do everything to get these women to submit and obey even going to the point to humiliate and shame them into conforming.  And if they still don’t swallow, swallowed but are now vomiting it back up into the toilet where it belongs then the “true believers” will spread lies and even convince the church to “discipline” if not out and out kick people out. 

It’s conform or die.  Actually, it’s more conform and you WILL die a very slow and painful death.  Don’t conform or confirm these heresies and you’ll be much better off.

And honestly, let’s get terms straight people.  Gender refers to language and is used when denoting forms, i.e. masculine and feminine in Spanish.  Sex refers to make and female, man and women and are biological in nature.  There are only two sexes.  Gender has two forms, sometimes there depending on the language (German) or even almost none (English mostly has none).

I just hate people hurting other people and using God to do it.  That’s why I call this garbage heresy because it’s false beliefs and they are deliberately used to hurt people in the name of God.

Anger That Lingers From the Voices in My Head

This whole stupid mess of having to deal with my former employer, the evil security company, the hearing, and possibly suing them with the help of a lawyer has the voices I thought I had gotten away from are now invading my head.  I hate it because it ramps up my anxiety and I end up dwelling on all the shit and harassment and stress I had to ensure while I was there.

I was thinking back to when I think the ramped up harassment and bullying started.  I thought it may have been when I reported a certain make colleague who refused to step up and do his share of the work.  I  didn’t blame him, even found excuses to explain his behavior.  I told this to a manager because he asked and I think he went and told this officer because this officer confronted me and screamed at me that I ended up with a major panic attack.  I remember writing about that here before.  But I can trace the harassment and bullying back further to when I transferred to dayshift and I ended up dealing with an extremely self-defense and arrogant individual who thought he was god’s gift to security and women.  He also didn’t practice personal hygiene and was a nasty chain smoker.  He’s lie about to one supervisor and I’d report his damaging the vehicle with spills (new patrol vehicle so nothing was allowed in the vehicle, not even water.  He’s make up more lies after I reported.him for other damages or bad behavior.  Then the boss got involved and I still had to deal with bullying and harassment because thus other officer was male.  Did I also mention this other officer was extremely morbidly obese and refused to do anything about it?  And I know he wanted in my pants.  He still grosses me out, just thinking about him.  Thankfully, he moved to another post but caused me so much trouble.  And the supervisors refused to do anything about him.  And there were things he really should have been fired for.  To my knowledge, he’s still working there.  But after he switched posts, at least I didn’t have to deal with him anymore.  Thank God.

Things calmed down for awhile.  Then they desired to change a very big procedure and my work load increased significantly.  And this officer, who should never have gone back to vehicle patrol, refused to help.  He was lazy before and he never changed.  Any way he could avoid work or helping a fellow officer in anyway, he avoided it.  Everyone knew he couldn’t be relied on.  Did the supervisors do anything? No. 

Then I had the meeting with the manager.  With two of the other managers and Supervisor.  I reported this officer and another officer who was borderline sexually harassed me.  I honestly thought he was going to do something constructive about the matter.  No.  I ended up with that said officer in my face and a panic attack.  I reported it to the supervisor.  Then I waited.  Again, I thought they would take me seriously.  No, again.  I got written up for gossiping even though I hadn’t gossiped and the line from the handbook about inappropriate and dangerous conversations didn’t apply.  But hey, truth doesn’t matter.  Just protecting the boys from those evil women.  I learned they weren’t going to take anything I said seriously except for a very few things.

The first incidents happened between November 2011 and March 2012. That second incidents took place in the summer of 2012. 

Then construction on campus changed and many officers were let go but at this point it doesn’t make much difference because there are still well over 175 officers on staff for the campus.  Eleven supervisors including those of the control room  and construction and five managers.  To compare: when I started in Sept. 2009 there were 75 officers, eight supervisors, and only two managers.  Big difference.

There were also some big changes in personnel: lobbies were upgraded and those officers had to reapply for their jobs.  They also got different uniforms and a pay raise.  But they were still doing the same job as before.  A job I had done when I first started there.

Then the account manager for the evil security company was on campus more and considered the lobby officers to be the epitome of security officers and have them whatever they wanted.  And whatever the client wanted because he refused to stand up for his employers.  So if that meant paying more for health insurance out of pocket (which we were already doing ) or not caring about the fact that certain posts required officers to work in terrible working conditions with terrible clothing options as long as they were never seen by higher ups, he didn’t long as he could continue to brown-nose the client company and say we provided security to so-and-so.  It was all about image.  Always about His image.

Then Here Bully decided to tell vehicle patrol and only vehicle patrol that they couldn’t wear the parkas (which at least afforded some warmth.and protection from the cold and rain) because they had a hood.  Doesn’t matter if it’s pouring down rain you better not be wearing that good or any protection on your head?  Why? Because it was a safety hazard.  Because being drenched with freezing rain and catching pneumonia doesn’t matter.  Safety, or perceived safety, is more important than your health.

So can’t wear the parks or the bomber jacket because a particular supervisor called it a personal jacket and told me she wrote me up for wearing it.  So I wear my own jacket, which is mostly waterproof, over the uniform with the safety vest over the jacket. As vehicle patrol, we were given a little leeway with the jackets.  I could still wear my own as long as it only came to the waist and was solid black.  So I switched jackets, since I had one I could wear.  There was another vehicle patrol officer who also wore his own jacket and no one made a fuss.  This also when my allergy to polyester really started to flair badly. 

Then Herr Bully decided to ramp up conformity and declared vehicle patrol had to wear uniform clothing and jackets only.  Still no parks allowed though many wore it because it was better than the pathetic bomber jacket.  Neither kept you dry but the parks at least kept you warm.  So the supervisors went after vehicle patrol.  Now we were not the only ones wearing personal jackets.  I know of at learn one if not two lobby officers who wore personal jackets while on post in the lobby.   ON. POST.  So tell me why you go after only one group and not everyone.  Of course it’s favoritism.

Then in March of this year, I finally get my eval that was due in December.  That’s where the whole garbage that I don’t play with others came from.  I think most of that eval came from the times between Jan. and March of this year because of things that were mentioned and heavyweight how negative the eval was, even though I was told otherwise.

I had gotten a doctors note in Feb.  but hadn’t heard anything by the time of the eval.  Then I got a call from HR from Big Far Liar saying I needed another doctors’ note.  So I told her what the problem was and have her permission to call the doctor and discuss with him.  I signed and ROI or release of information form so he could talk to her.  Otherwise, I would have had to make another appointment which would have been months out.  So Big Far Liar called the doctor.  I think she harassed him in some way and she came down with me needing to wear the uniform with NO undershirt underneath.  So I end up wearing my clothes (black cargo pants and undershirt and jacket) under the uniform.

I’m obeying the rules.  I’m wearing the uniform even though I’m in pain from shrinking my body away from the uniform fabric and have a permanent rash over the top half of my body.  I’m obeying even though it hurts me to. 

Then, because they’ve been watching for any reason to fire me, they catch me with my clothes on under the uniform and suspend and then fire me.

This all makes me angry.  I haven’t put in half the stuff that was said and done to me.  Or about how my anxiety was so bad I was having panic attacks and suicidal thoughts.  I get so angry whenever I think about that place, about how horribly I was treated, about how In was targeted, about how I went along and let myself be bullied because I was so terrified of losing my job and of being hurt.  I honestly thought if I had been raped on the job that the evil security company would blame me, saying it was all my fault then fire me and maybe even sue me. 

After a while, I didn’t go to work because I had to.  I went because, even though I dreaded going and having to deal with the terrible supervisors and managers, I had certain people relying on me and I did my job really well.  I had to be there not only for many of my coworkers but also many of the construction workers as well.  These people respected me and the job I did and they didn’t care about stupid uniform rules or customer service.  If they needed something unlocked or secured or whatever, that’s what I did.  I did my job.  I followed the rules even when they hurt me.  I lost mandatory, law required breaks because of fellow coworkers needs or because make employers took precedent over a women.  I helped out the control room, fellow employers  and construction workers without thanks many times but didn’t mind because I was helping someone and I really like helping people whenever I can.

In the end, though, it was all about money.  And in the end, that is why they will lose.  You don’t throw away good just to temporarily make a few dollars.  Eventually, all you will have is bad and then where will you be?  Well, it’s not my problem.  Not anymore.

Early yet 10 More

I called the phone number on the notice about the notice for a hearing.  It takes 10 weeks before the hearing notice goes out!  At least I still have seven more weeks at this point and I can find a job by then.  And I still need to call the lawyer.

I did get up before 1 this afternoon surprisingly but still had to take a nap.  I also ended up with possible food poisoning but it also could have been my lactose intolerance acting up.  Oh well.

Right now I’m waiting on parts of my dinner to defrost: salmon with potato and onion pierogies. 

I do know that when I go back to school to get my masters that I want to focus on gender and perceived gender roles in fundamentalist Christianity along with rape and purity culture largely because all of those have become so pervasive in our American culture today.  You can’t talk about women or being a woman without bringing gender roles, perceived value of those roles, sexuality, and physical bodies into the discussion.  Plus God and His supposed rules (usually defined by abusive human males and enforced by human males and females as works that “please” God as they define Him).

Unfortunately, too many women have been falsely manipulated into believing and buying into a bill of goods that denies them a voice in the discussion.  Their voices need to be heard not silenced.  My voice needs to be heard.  I don’t have to shout or do outrageous things to be heard and seen.  I have to be me and keep speaking persistently even when I’m being told to shut up. 

I understand a lot of women find this intimidating and frightening.  I know I do because of my abuse but I also know that that fear is hurting me and others.  I can speak out here and can do so in a way that is respectful and beneficial to not just me but to others as well. 

But the culture and the society around us be it secular or Christian or Catholic all bombard women with so many expectations and rules and judgments that we get confused or hurt or oppressed and abused or just drop out all together.  We all want to be individual women without having to concern ourselves with other peoples’ opinions.  How each of us do that is going to be unique to each individual woman. Other peoples opinions do not define us.


Type this later, if I remember.

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 218 other followers