Remember That New Medication…

Yeah.  Didn’t work so well.  Made me sleep 12-14 hours a day. It also made me want to hide in bed all day. So I stopped taking it yesterday. And those were unexpected side effects. I emailed the doctor that I stopped taking it and the reasons why. We’ll see what happens.

Of course, my anxiety has gone up lately. I found out last Thursday (from Mr Drug Dealer himself) that he is schizophrenic and bipolar. And he’s not on any medication but he does take street drugs (aka illegal drugs).  I also got to hear his lovely delusions about his previous apartment and how the newspapers and TV news programs were going to expose “the truth” very soon.  He also keeps changing his story about who helps him and about all his “friends” that keep pounding on his door at all hours.  He also said that a girl screaming (for help) is no reason to call the cops. (I don’t know why the woman screamed which I didn’t hear but there was more going on that night than a scream and whomever called the police was right in doing so.)  I’m afraid to open my door anymore because I don’t knew who might be out there and if they might be dangerous to me or not.

I had a panic attack earlier today.  I know part of it stemmed from the library volunteer party Saturday night (I hadn’t been around that many people in a social setting in a very long time) and I was freaking out over what I said (I was fine but I always freak out over social situations) even though I didn’t say anything stupid. But I spent several minutes before my volunteer shift sitting in my car working on calming myself down because the library is totally not a scary place nor are the librarians.  I was able to calm myself down and was fine for my shift.  Then I went grocery shopping (I bought more than I planned but I should be fine for like two weeks now) and as I was driving home I realized I didn’t want to go home because Mr Drug Dealer is still my neighbor and I don’t want to have to deal with him at all.

I swear the quality of the tenants in this place has gone down. More are on some kind of public assistance or have a mental illness (oddly enough I’m not talking about myself though I could be included though I actually seek help and treatment) or substance abuse problems/addictions.  There seem to be more issues or at least talk about drugs/drug use in regards to tenants. Mind you, there are several children living in the complex, many under the age of ten.  I don’t want drugs anywhere near children. I don’t want them anywhere near this apartment either.

I would like to move but can’t afford to st this time, especially not without a job.

Just No

It’s doing this again. (Not a current picture; this is from the last one)

My opinion via Grumpy Cat

This has been one wack winter.  I’m sick of snow. It’s still coming down and I don’t think I’ll be making it to 5:30 Spanish Mass.  

Some Good News

The apartment manager talked to Mr. Drugs (I may also refer to him as Mr. Drug Dealer) next door today.  I heard them through my front door. So the apartment manager is aware and is taking this seriously. I have no idea who reported him, again, and I don’t want to know (to keep them protected) but I’m grateful they have said something and made the apartment manager take notice.

This has also triggered my anxiety which I’m trying to manage but not doing very well. I want Mr. Drug Dealer gone but it’s not going to happen overnight. It will take time. This is the first step. It took several months to get Mr. Superiority Alcoholic evicted.  But this is a positive first step. I just have to keep this is mind.

I do have new medication for my anxiety so we’ll see how that works.

The Truth Behind My Anxiety

I didn’t set out the last few weeks to figure out my anxiety. It just happened. More accurately, conversations and reflections happened. I’ve been talking to the downstairs neighbor who started me on this track to figuring things out.

I’ve been in my apartment for over eleven years now. That’s 11 years and three months if you want to be exact.  I have seen tenants come and go. I’ve called the cops on some. I was grateful for others.  I’ve also dealt with a horrible apartment manager for several years and then was blessed with better ones. I’m still getting a feel for the new one.

The last four years or so have seen the quality, so to speak, of next door tenants degrade. (Reference point being from about 2013 onward) Enough so that seeing the police show up is not an unusual sight.  How screwed up is that? I also don’t know what to expect when I walk out my front door. With Mr Superiority Alcoholic (2015-June 2016), it was either him on some tangent or the police. I preferred the police because they treated me with respect. Mr Superiority Alcoholic treated me like an idiot. And when he started drinking, well, it was better for me to not be here. He may have never physically hurt me but that really didn’t mean anything.  He would still get violent and abusive. He also called the cops on himself but they couldn’t keep him locked up for long so he would be back within hours to start all over the next night.  And he would do this several times a week. I’m glad he was evicted.

The tenants before him, well the kids and grandkids really, were trouble before that.  Though the police weren’t called, there were a lot of issues with drugs and alcohol.  Lots of both. And even underage, I think but can’t prove. I’m glad they were evicted.

Between the two, knocking on the door sets me off.  I tense, worrying that something bad is going to happen if I don’t answer. I don’t answer because it’s next door and I hear knocking on that four due to how little of a wall there is between the apartment.  But now the current tenant next door is the most problematic. He has visitors at all hours of the day and night. Knocking incessantly.  I can’t prove it but I believe it’s drugs. I don’t want that shit here.  And they don’t stop.  They knock even when Mr Drugs isn’t home and they keep knocking til somebody answers the door.  And it’s a specific knock. And it’s the same people over and over again. But I can’t prove it’s drugs so I can’t do anything.

So living in this apartment has increased my anxiety. I don’t feel safe here. I worry about walking out my front door.  I hear a knock and I’m worried about violence.  I worry about people damaging or dealing my car or breaking into my apartment. 

But I can’t afford to move. I looked for another apartment and I’d be looking at paying nearly $1000 (yes that’s right) for a studio. I have a one bedroom now. I don’t want to have to move due to other people’s bad behavior. I want Mr Drugs gone. I shouldn’t have to suffer for someone else’s bad behavior. 

The Arctic Would Be Warmer

Well, maybe, maybe not.

We’re in single digit temps here. Single digits. And sunny. With highs still expected to be below freezing.

The snow is still around and won’t be melting any time soon. I took the bus to jury duty yesterday. Ended up not being selected, thankfully. I was still able to volunteer at the library. 

Granted, I wish I knew how to ice skate because the sidewalks and streets were icy. I could have skated instead of walked well, more like worked very hard not to slip and fall. Did wrench both my knees with all the little slips I did take. My lower back is also sore. Thankfully no injuries, just ache-y soreness.

I did have fun looking for snowpeople on the bus ride into jury duty. Did see a few. Was glad I didn’t drive because there was a car accident I saw on the way home.

I just want all the snow to melt so I can finally drive. Otherwise, I’m stuck at home. I won’t go hungry (I made more Chicken Tortilla Soup this morning) but I am getting low on things. And not a lot of variety. But I’ll be okay.

And yes, I still hate snow. Just because it looks like a winter wonderland out there doesn’t impress me. It’s just irritates me and impacts my ability to do things.


It’s snowing again. *head desk*

I have jury duty tomorrow. *double face palm* *double head desk* *bangs head against wall* 

I’m going back to bed. Wake me when spring comes.

Seven Hours Later

This was at 12:23 am

At 7:16 am:

It looks like it’s closer to a foot of snow out there and we still have the potential to get more this morning. This ties with the Storm of ’08 for most snow in one day. At least this time we didn’t have freezing rain on top of it.


Type this later, if I remember.

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