Things were actuary going well here and then the last two weeks have gone downhill. Today was the first time in several months that I hadn’t gone to Mass. I just couldn’t deal with people or priests that don’t follow the rubrics in celebrating the Mass or are borderline heretical. I just couldn’t do it. … Continue reading An Update
I think one of the things with anxiety and depression is that even if you know your “triggers”/ things that cause you problems, are aware, and do what you can to mitigate them, you can still feel like you’ve been hit by a truck when they happen. My mother is one those problems. Granted, all … Continue reading Not Dealing
The Christmas season is not a good holiday season for me. This year was particularly bad. I didn’t make it to Mass for the first and fourth Sundays of Advent. I did make it to Midnight Mass for Christmas though I felt numb and was ready to walk out of Mass. I didn’t make it … Continue reading Depression, the Most Wonderful Time of Year
I went on to YouTube last night and here was Josh’s latest song. The lyrics are powerful and kind of what I needed right now. Continue reading Josh Groban’s Latest-Granted
The title comes from the lyrics to Charlotte Martin’s song Veins. It feels like everything is just getting worse, that everything is going to come to a head and I will lose everything. It’s going to be bad. So a bit of a backtrack. I made it to Mass Sunday and sorely wished I hadn’t. … Continue reading Loyalty to Pain
I am so close to leaving the Catholic Church right now. It has nothing, and I mean nothing, to do with anything in the news. It’s just me. I can’t hack it anymore. Nothing seems to get better. I didn’t go to Mass today. It may have started out as trying to fix my sleep … Continue reading Ready to Walk Away
Charlotte Martin “Redeemed” This song has been a big help lately. It’s not a religious song but you could interpret some of the lyrics as religious in meaning. I really appreciate the chorus because it says the abuse and my depression aren’t all of me. “Where is the hand for me to reach, where is … Continue reading Being Redeemed
I posted this comment over at Wisdom of Tears and thought that I should post it here on my own blog. I’ve read on some other blogs that Mother’s day is to celebrate GOOD mothers. You didn’t have a good mother and neither did I. Neither of us have to celebrate a day that didn’t … Continue reading I Don’t Celebrate Mother’s Day
Sorry I’ve been away. I just have no interest in things. And no energy The Welbutrin didn’t help or hurt so the doc put me on Lexapro. Two big side effects : increased anxiety and screwed up sleep. Not fun. I told the doc if this one didn’t work then I want to be off … Continue reading New Meds Again
The Effexor had lots of nasty side effects. I’m now on Welbutrin. We’ll see how that goes. This has been the longest episode of my depression yet. I’m barely functional most days and currently in tears daily though I think that’s from Effexor withdrawl. I feel cut off from my Catholic faith and it doesn’t … Continue reading Depression Reset
Lent starts next Wednesday and my anxiety has increased. It doesn’t help that I’m not on meds anymore. I hate Lent. It fills me with dread. Lent always seems to bring out the competition in Catholics, more so online these days. It’s like Lent needs to be the horrible torture fest in the name … Continue reading Lent is Coming. Time to Start The Misery Competition
Yeah. Didn’t work so well. Made me sleep 12-14 hours a day. It also made me want to hide in bed all day. So I stopped taking it yesterday. And those were unexpected side effects. I emailed the doctor that I stopped taking it and the reasons why. We’ll see what happens. Of course, my … Continue reading Remember That New Medication…
Seven days. Granted we’re expecting more snow here today. Winter has been very atypical here. Normally it’s rain, not sun, temps in the mid to low 30s, and snow. The last time I can recall in raining was a month ago. Very, very wonky. Even with the heat on in my apartment I’ve had to … Continue reading A Week Into The New Year
I’m doing a 24 test to see, well to confirm really, that I have GERD. So I had a sensor device, well a really long tube put down my nose, into my throat, down into the esophagus and ended at the stomach. That was just to get measurements. That was not fun. Now I have … Continue reading Tubes, Tubes, and Wires
I’m dealing with both right now. It’s 2:14 in the morning and I don’t want to sleep even though I have a medical appointment at 10:30 that I have to leave for before 9:30. I’m also freaking out about an interview for a job I have Friday. I’m not thrilled with the possible commute to … Continue reading Withdrawal. Anxiety.
Well, it is the end of the year. Chronologically that is. I don’t think 2016 was a horrible year for me. Certainly a stressful year with a resurgence of my depression and anxiety in the latter half. But overall, it wasn’t bad. I planned early on how to deal with all the election stuff … Continue reading Middle? End? Beginning?
Not a good day today. Instead of getting up early like I planned (before noon) I was in bed until 5pm. Then I found a notice on my door from the apartment manager about unauthorized guests (not me, general warning but this is the first time that anyone had done anything about it). Then I … Continue reading When It All Goes Kerbluey
I went to the doctor for the first time in over three years Wednesday (the state plan that I finally got at the end of June; bureaucracy). Surprisingly, I got to see and keep my doctor I had before. I was able to go back on my meds for the depression which I now have … Continue reading When the Fat Hits the Fan
So I never did hear from the bureaucracy. I waited all day. I’ll deal with it on Monday, maybe. But with how many times I’ve dealt with them in the last few months and they said they would call, all of this is on them. I did call the phone company to try and fix … Continue reading One Of Those Days
I get to deal with state bureaucracy again tomorrow. It’s time to reapply for food stamps and the interview is tomorrow morning. It’s a phone interview. And since the update to my phone’s operating system I’ve had issues with receiving calls. If I answer the phone on the first ring, I’m okay. After that first … Continue reading Bureaucracy
Elizabeth 